As he pronounced the word "no" his voice hardened a little. His eyelids
drooped over his eyes, in which she read distress. He waited, stiffening
himself, in order not to shriek, for an allusion which she did not make.
A great surgeon probing a wound displays no more skill in holding back
the steel instrument at the moment when it would make the patient cry
out, than a loving woman has in suspending a painful interrogatory
before she has touched the sore spot. But was there need for Valentine
to question him now in order to assure herself that the wound was there?
Madame Privat was right. Jaubourg had loved Madame de Claviers. And so
what she, Valentine, dreaded had really happened. Words had escaped the
dying man which had aroused in the son's mind doubts concerning his
mother's honor! And she waited, suffocated with emotion, for Landri to
go on.
He tried to speak, he did not wish to remain silent, to go away until he
had explained his unexpected call. But he could not. He could find only
phrases whose very insignificance emphasized their falsity.
"They gave me a great many commissions at the château," he said, "and
they'll take the whole afternoon. They disposed of my time without
consulting me, and as I wanted to see you again, I came a little
earlier."
"If you hadn't come," she replied, "and had sent me no word, I should
have been quite sure that it was not your fault. You well know that I
have entire faith in your affection, and that I shall never, never, take
offence at anything." Then, impelled by immeasurable pity for that too
cruelly stricken heart, if in truth a friend of his father, in the
delirium of the death-agony, had dishonored his mother's image forever,
she added: "I blame myself, Landri, for not having told you plainly
enough yesterday how dear you are to me. I didn't show it enough. For
you are dear to me, very dear," she repeated. It was as if she were
trying to tame with words that pain which she divined to be so savage,
so concentrated in itself, to caress it and soothe it. "Say that to
yourself sometimes, when I am not present, whatever may happen." And as
she saw that face, but now so gloomy, relax, and those veiled eyes look
at her once more and see her, the overflow of her affection extorted
from her the confession that she had always refused to make: "For you
see, Landri, I, too--I love you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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