"Mother, the day I shut the Bank door I'll open another door."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll open the door into the other world with a charge of gunpowder."
"Don't say such a foolish, dreadful thing! You are not, I hope, such a
coward as to fly from the consequences of your own act. If you have lost
the money in fair trading you need not be ashamed to meet them all;
others beside you lost by that unfortunate South. Your father would have
stood his ground and faced the city," said the old woman, with spirit
and pride.
"No doubt, mother, no doubt my father would have had the manliness to
stand and face the break; but he was a man of great endurance and nerve;
you know I am not. I would do anything rather than meet such a crash and
live after it. You know I have been much more out in the world than my
father. I am mixed up with such a number of things, am closely connected
with such a number of institutions and men, that nothing, no
consideration, could induce me to outlive bankruptcy. The people would
not believe facts; they would not credit any statement, however plain,
that I was insolvent. They would say that I had appropriated the money
of the depositors, made a fraudulent pretence of bankruptcy, and
concealed the money for my own use. I know the world better than you,
mother; I know the world, and what it would say. I may be popular now;
but if I fell, the street-boys might kick me through the gutter and no
one would take my part, or try to get me fair play."
He dropped his head into his hands and shuddered.
The old woman looked at him with a sad sympathy, which was not wholly
destitute of reproach.
"You know, Henry, thousands of men have had to face such things, and
have come out of their difficulties without a stain or a hard word----"
"In my case that is impossible. I tell you, mother, they would have no
more mercy on me than on a snake. The Bank is a private one, the
property of one person, and on that one person all the wrath would fall.
It is not like a joint stock, or a limited liability, where many are
concerned as principals or shareholders or directors. It would be a case
between an individual and his creditors. It would look as if I had
borrowed money privately of all the people I knew, and spent it or
gambled in dangerous foreign speculations, until I had dissipated their
last pennies and left the people beggars. No, mother; the day I shut the
Bank door I open the gate of Eternity with a bullet."
He was walking up and down his mother's drawing-room, with his hands
clasped behind his coat, his eyes bent on the ground, and a look of
concentrated thought upon his usually placid and beaming features.
"I will not hear you say that again, Henry," cried the mother, stamping
her foot impatiently on the floor. "Listen to me. You know my two
thousand a year is clear of the Bank----"
"Thank Heaven and my father for that!" cried Grey earnestly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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