"Certainly I can talk," I responded. "I am not an infant. Nor am I a
blob. I am a creature superior to your own kind, if you are examples.
Or it may be that you are only children. Perhaps you are still in
the pupa stage. Tell me, is yours an early stage, or an arrested
development, or are you indeed adult?"
"Hey, fellows, we don't have to take that from any blob. I'll cave in
its blasted head."
"That's its tail."
"It's its head. It's the end it talks with."
"Gentlemen, perhaps I can set you straight," I said. "That is my tail
you are thwacking with that stick, and I am warning you to stop it. Of
course I was talking with my tail. I was only doing it in imitation of
you. I am new at the language and its manner of speaking. Yet it may
be that I have made a grotesque mistake. Is that your _heads_ that you
are waving in the air? Well, then, I will talk with my head, if that is
the custom. But I warn you again not to hit me on either end with those
sticks."
"Hey, fellows, I bet we could sell that thing. I bet we could sell it
to Billy Wilkins for his Reptile Farm."
"How would we get it there?"
"Make it walk. Hey blob, can you walk?"
"I can travel, certainly, but I would not stagger along precariously
on a pair of flesh stilts with my head in the air, as you do. When I
travel, I do not travel upside down."
"Well, let's go, then. We're going to sell you to Billy Wilkins for his
Reptile Farm. If he can use a blob, he'll put you in one of the tanks
with the big turtles and alligators. You think you'll like them?"
"I am lonesome in this lost world," I replied sadly, "and even the
company of you peeled grubs is better than nothing. I am anxious to
adopt a family and settle down here for what years of life I have left.
It may be that I will find compatibility with the species you mention.
I do not know what they are."
"Hey, fellows, this blob isn't a bad guy at all. I'd shake your hand;
blob, if I knew where it was. Let's go to Billy Wilkins' place and sell
him."
II
We traveled to Billy Wilkins' place. My friends were amazed when
I took to the air and believed that I had deserted them. They had
no cause to distrust me. Without them I would have had to rely on
intuition to reach Billy Wilkins, and even then I would lack the proper
introductions.
"Hey, Billy," said my loudest friend, whose name was Cecil, "what will
you give us for a blob? It flies and talks and isn't a bad fellow at
all. You'd get more tourists to come to your reptile show if you had
a talking blob in it. He could sing songs and tell stories. I bet he
could even play the guitar."
"Well, Cecil, I'll just give you all ten dollars for it and try to
figure out what it is later. I'm a little ahead on my hunches now, so I
can afford to gamble on this one. I can always pickle it and exhibit it
as a genuine hippopotamus kidney."
"Thank you, Billy. Take care of yourself, blob."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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