Lesbians -- England -- Social conditions -- Fiction
Staring at her own reflection in the glass, Stephen would feel just a
little uneasy: ‘_Am_ I queer looking or not?’ she would wonder, ‘Suppose
I wore my hair more like Mother’s?’ and then she would undo her
splendid, thick hair, and would part it in the middle and draw it back
loosely.
The result was always far from becoming, so that Stephen would hastily
plait it again. She now wore the plait screwed up very tightly in the
nape of her neck with a bow of black ribbon. Anna hated this fashion and
constantly said so, but Stephen was stubborn: ‘I’ve tried your way,
Mother, and I look like a scarecrow; you’re beautiful, darling, but your
young daughter isn’t, which is jolly hard on you.’
‘She makes no effort to improve her appearance,’ Anna would reproach,
very gravely.
These days there was constant warfare between them on the subject of
clothes; quite a seemly warfare, for Stephen was learning to control her
hot temper, and Anna was seldom anything but gentle. Nevertheless it was
open warfare, the inevitable clash of two opposing natures who sought to
express themselves in apparel, since clothes, after all, are a form of
self-expression. The victory would be now on this side, now on that;
sometimes Stephen would appear in a thick woollen jersey, or a suit of
rough tweeds surreptitiously ordered from the excellent tailor in
Malvern. Sometimes Anna would triumph, having journeyed to London to
procure soft and very expensive dresses, which her daughter must wear in
order to please her, because she would come home quite tired by such
journeys. On the whole, Anna got her own way at this time, for Stephen
would suddenly give up the contest, reduced to submission by Anna’s
disappointment, always more efficacious than mere disapproval.
‘Here, give it to me!’ she would say rather gruffly, grabbing the
delicate dress from her mother.
Then off she would rush and put it on all wrong, so that Anna would sigh
in a kind of desperation, and would pat, readjust, unfasten and fasten,
striving to make peace between wearer and model, whose inimical feelings
were evidently mutual.
Came a day when Stephen was suddenly outspoken: ‘It’s my face,’ she
announced, ‘something’s wrong with my face.’
‘Nonsense!’ exclaimed Anna, and her cheeks flushed a little, as though
the girl’s words had been an offence, then she turned away quickly to
hide her expression.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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