Lesbians -- England -- Social conditions -- Fiction
Then something would draw her, not back to her bedroom, but on up the
stairs to the room of their daughter. She would open that door very
gently—by inches. She would hold her hand so that it shaded the candle,
and would stand looking down at the sleeping Stephen as she and her
husband had done long ago. But now there would be no little child to
look down on, no small helplessness to arouse mother-pity. Stephen would
be lying very straight, very large, very long, underneath the neatly
drawn covers. Quite often an arm would be outside the bedspread, the
sleeve having fallen away as it lay there, and that arm would look firm
and strong and possessive, and so would the face by the light of the
candle. She slept deeply. Her breathing would be even and placid. Her
body would be drinking in its fill of refreshment. It would rise up
clean and refreshed in the morning; it would eat, speak, move—it would
move about Morton. In the stables, in the gardens, in the neighbouring
paddocks, in the study—it would move about Morton. Intolerable
dispensation of nature, Anna would stare at that splendid young body,
and would feel, as she did so, that she looked on a stranger. She would
scourge her heart and her anxious spirit with memories drawn from this
stranger’s beginnings: ‘Little—you were so very little!’ she would
whisper, ‘and you sucked from my breast because you were hungry—little
and always so terribly hungry—a good baby though, a contented little
baby—’
And Stephen would sometimes stir in her sleep as though she were vaguely
conscious of Anna. It would pass and she would lie quiet again,
breathing in those deep, placid draughts of refreshment. Then Anna,
still ruthlessly scourging her heart and her anxious spirit, would stoop
and kiss Stephen, but lightly and very quickly on the forehead, so that
the girl should not be awakened. So that the girl should not wake and
kiss back, she would kiss her lightly and quickly on the forehead.
3
The eye of youth is very observant. Youth has its moments and keen
intuition, even normal youth—but the intuition of those who stand
midway between the sexes, is so ruthless, so poignant, so accurate, so
deadly, as to be in the nature of an added scourge; and by such an
intuition did Stephen discover that all was not well with her parents.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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