The Wellfields: A novel. Vol. 1 of 3Fothergill, Jessie
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The Wellfields: A novel. Vol. 1 of 3
Fothergill, Jessie
English fiction -- 19th century
It was a feast for eye and heart. The artist soul of the woman drank
in all the broad, calm, peaceful beauty of it, and her eyes dwelt
lovingly upon every exquisite curve of distant hill, on every silver
link in the windings of the placid river. She put her hand upon her
sketch-book—opened it; even took her pencil in her hand; then laid it
down again, with a restless sigh breaking from her lips. She felt the
need of being alone, and yet, now that she was alone, she dreaded to
acknowledge her own state of mind to herself. Her thoughts were vague
and disconnected. There was a prevailing sensation that the old life
no longer satisfied her. She knew that between her and her rejoicing
fulness of contentment in her art, a barrier had arisen. A third
thought now always intruded between herself and her purpose. She could
handle no pencil, take up no book, behold no beautiful thing, form no
plans for the future, without the influence of Jerome Wellfield making
itself overpoweringly felt. At times—at this moment, even—she almost
resented this new feeling; longed for freedom, and revolted at finding
her soul enslaved. She felt a tremor sometimes—the unspoken question
tormented her, ‘What if this passion be all wrong, instead of all
right? What if it paralyse, instead of expanding, my nature? If it so
absorb me that I can forget others—forget, for one moment, my highest
aims—then it is surely wrong. A love that is pure and true ought to
make one more unselfish, ought to make one love better and more largely
and liberally everything and every person about one. Is it so with me?’
Some such thought as this was agitating her mind this afternoon. She
was striving to be reasonable, to keep her head steady in the midst of
her heart’s wild storm—piteously striving, while the tyrant sentiment
shook her with ruthless hand; while between her and the wholesome
outside nature, came the beautiful face which now haunted her thoughts
so doggedly, and beyond the twitter of the hopping birds about and
above her, sounded that voice to which every fibre had thrilled, every
sense had responded, last night. A lark suddenly rose, fluttering
aloft, pouring out a full-hearted song—such a flood of trilling
ecstasy as must have nearly burst his little throat. She heard it, and
it troubled her; it interrupted the memory of that other song, in such
weird contrast to this one, which Jerome had sung:
‘In dreams I saw thy face,
And saw the night
Filling thy heart’s drear space,
And saw the snake
That gnaws that heart apace.
I saw, my love,
Thy great and sore distress;
I murmur not.’
‘What am I thinking of?’ she almost uttered, starting quickly. ‘I am
nervous. I must be. Why didn’t I go to those Lehnberg girls and be
amiable to them, instead of standing aloof and helping Carla to be
ill-natured, for I know she dislikes them. I should have felt better
now, had I done so. I am degraded by indulging in this folly, and I——’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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