England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
'You think I am pretty sure to be wrong?' she asked, raising her eyes
and regarding him for a moment with anxiety.
'I should have said "complete" it. I hope I have never shown myself to
you in an altogether false light.'
'That is the one thing I have felt sure about,' said Alma, slowly and
thoughtfully. 'You have always seemed the same. You don't change with
circumstances--as people generally do.'
Harvey had a word on his lips, but checked it, and merely gazed at her
till her eyes again encountered his. Then Alma smiled more naturally.
'There was something you didn't speak of in your letter. What kind of
life do you look forward to?'
'I'm not sure that I understand. My practical aims--you mean?'
'Yes,' she faltered, with embarrassment.
'Why, I'm afraid I have none. I mentioned the facts of my position, and
I said that I couldn't hope for its improvement----'
'No, no, no! You misunderstand me. I am not thinking about money. I
hate the word, and wish I might never hear it again!' She spoke with
impetuosity. 'I meant--how and where do you wish to live? What thoughts
had you about the future?'
'None very definite, I confess. And chiefly because, if what I desired
came to pass, I thought of everything as depending upon you. I have no
place in the world. I have no relatives nearer than cousins. Of late
years I have been growing rather bookish, and rather fond of
quietness--but of course that resulted from circumstances. When a man
offers marriage, of course he usually says: My life is this and this;
will you enter into it, and share it with me? I don't wish to say
anything of the kind. My life may take all sorts of forms; when I ask
you to share it, I ask you to share liberty, not restraint.'
'A gipsy life?' she asked, half playfully.
'Is your inclination to that?'
Alma shook her head.
'No, I am tired of homelessness.--And,' she added as if on an impulse,
'I am tired of London.'
'Then we agree. I, too, am tired of both.'
Her manner altered; she straightened herself, and spoke with more
self-possession.
'What about my art--my career?'
'It is for me to ask that question,' replied Harvey, gazing steadfastly
at her.
'You don't mean that it would all necessarily come to an end.'
'Why? I mean what I say when I speak of sharing liberty. Heaven forbid
that I should put an end to any aim or hope of yours--to anything that
is part of yourself. I want you to be yourself. Many people nowadays
revolt against marriage because it generally means bondage, and they
have much to say for themselves. If I had been condemned to a wearisome
occupation and a very small income, I'm sure I should never have asked
anyone to marry me; I don't think it fair. It may seem to you that I
haven't much right to call myself an independent man as it is----'
Alma broke in, impatiently.
'Don't speak of money? You have enough--more than enough.'
'So it seems to me. You are afraid this might prevent you from becoming
a professional musician?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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