By noon the next day she was back in her home. Everything had been done
that was necessary. Ellen’s mother and Jason could care for her. There
was no reason why Mahala might not go back to her little house and again
take up her life with her dead. Because that was what Mahala was doing
in those days. She was living hourly with her father. At first it had
been difficult to vision him in the country house, but now she could see
him before the bookcase, at the hearth, in the dining room. Sometimes
she dreamed of him, and with the awful reality of dreams, she again
heard his voice, her nostrils were filled with the personal odours of
his body, every familiar gesture was before her eyes.
Her mother came there, too. Hourly now she stepped down from the frame
above the mantel and walked through the rooms, twitching a curtain into
place, setting a picture at a different angle, drawing a finger across a
polished surface to make sure that no particle of dust had settled
there.
In those days when winter was the coldest and the storms raged outside,
and the amount of physical exercise required to keep her in good health
was difficult to obtain, Mahala paced the rooms of the little house, and
beside her walked another of her dead. Jason was there—thoughtful, kind,
always taking care of her, always watching that she should be sheltered,
that she should be comfortable—but he was a dead Jason. There was no
life in him. The living part of him belonged to Ellen. The mouthing
little pink bundle lying on Ellen’s breast very shortly would be on his
feet, holding Jason’s hands, making demands of him.
The one thing for which Mahala tried to be thankful in those days was
the steady round of duties entailed by living. After Mrs. Ford had gone
home, there were days when Ellen was feeling badly and the baby cried,
that Mahala went down to Jason’s home, and with light step and skilful
fingers, straightened out problems that were too much for Ellen, taught
her patience and forbearance and the love that ministers, that expends
itself and demands little. Then she went back to her house and during
the long nights she deliberately turned her pillow where she could look
through the window at the storm-whipped arms of the old orchard and
watch the elements having their way with the world, rolling on its
age-old route around its orbit.
In these days Mahala found that, in her own home, life had simmered to
the asking of one question. She did not ask it of God. She had stopped
praying when she had been overwhelmed. She asked it of her mental vision
of her father: “Why?” She faced the skilfully painted portrait of her
mother, and with stiff lips cried to her: “Why?” She asked the walls of
each room in the house. She asked the authors of the books she tried to
read. She looked from the windows and asked the winds raging past. She
asked the moon of night and the first red rays of morning. “Why?”
Eternally, “Why?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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