Unconsciously the White Linen Nurse's lax shoulders quickened, and the
sudden upward tilt of her chin was as frankly interrogative as a French
inflection. "Yes, sir," she said.
"In my own case," said the Senior Surgeon bluntly, "in my own case, Miss
Malgregor, it is no more than fair to tell you that I--did not love my
wife. And my wife did not love me." Only the muscular twitch in his
throat betrayed the torture that the confession cost him. "The details
of that marriage are unnecessary," he continued with equal bluntness.
"It is enough perhaps to say that she was the daughter of an eminent
surgeon with whom I was exceedingly anxious at that time to be allied,
and that our mating, urged along on both sides as it was by strong
personal ambitions was one of those so-called 'marriages of convenience'
which almost invariably turn out to be marriages of such dire
inconvenience to the two people most concerned. For one year we lived
together in a chaos of experimental acquaintanceship. For two years we
lived together in increasing uncongeniality and distaste. For three
years we lived together in open and acknowledged enmity. At the last, I
am thankful to remember, that we had one year together again that was at
least an--armed truce."
Darkly the gray shadow and the red flush chased each other once more
across the man's haggard face.
"I had a theory," he said, "that possibly a child might bridge the chasm
between us. My wife refuted the theory, but submitted herself
reluctantly to the fact. And when she--in giving birth to--my
theory,--the shock, the remorse, the regret, the merciless self-analysis
that I underwent at that time almost convinced me that the whole
miserable failure of our marriage lay entirely on my own shoulders."
Like the stress of mid-summer the tears of sweat started suddenly on his
forehead. "But I am a fair man, I hope,--even to myself, and the cooler,
less-tortured judgment of the subsequent years has practically assured
me that, for types as diametrically opposed as ours, such a thing as
mutual happiness never could have existed."
Mechanically he bent down and smoothed a tickly lock of hair away from
the little girl's eyelids.
"And the child is the living physical image of her," he stammered. "The
violent hair,--the ghost-white skin,--the facile mouth,--the arrogant
eyes,--staring--staring--maddeningly reproachful, persistently accusing.
My own stubborn will,--my own hideous temper,--all my own ill-favored
mannerisms--mocked back at me eternally in her mother's--unloved
features." Mirthless as the grin of a skull, the Senior Surgeon's mouth
twisted up a little at one corner. "Maybe I could have borne it better
if she'd been a boy," he acknowledged grimly. "But to see all your
virile--masculine vices come back at you--so sissified--in _skirts_!"
"Yes, sir," said the White Linen Nurse.
With an unmistakable gasp of relief the Senior Surgeon expanded his
great chest.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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