Bildungsromans; Midlands (England) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
We waited until the doctor came. There was a deep graze down the side
of the head—serious, but not dangerous; there was a cut across the
cheek-bone that would leave a scar; and the collar-bone was broken. I
stayed until he had recovered consciousness. “Lettie,” he wanted
Lettie, so she had to remain at Highclose all night. I went home to
tell my mother.
When I went to bed I looked across at the lighted windows of Highclose,
and the lights trailed mistily towards me across the water. The cedar
stood dark guard against the house; bright the windows were, like the
stars, and, like the stars, covering their torment in brightness. The
sky was glittering with sharp lights—they are too far off to take
trouble for us, so little, little almost to nothingness. All the great
hollow vastness roars overhead, and the stars are only sparks that
whirl and spin in the restless space. The earth must listen to us; she
covers her face with a thin veil of mist, and is sad; she soaks up our
blood tenderly, in the darkness, grieving, and in the light she soothes
and reassures us. Here on our earth is sympathy and hope, the heavens
have nothing but distances.
A corn-crake talked to me across the valley, talked and talked
endlessly, asking and answering in hoarse tones from the sleeping,
mist-hidden meadows. The monotonous voice, that on past summer evenings
had had pleasant notes of romance, now was intolerable to me. Its
inflexible harshness and cacophany seemed like the voice of fate
speaking out its tuneless perseverance in the night.
In the morning Lettie came home wan, sad-eyed, and self-reproachful.
After a short time they came for her, as he wanted her again.
When in the evening I went to see George, he too was very despondent.
“It’s no good now,” said I. “You should have insisted and made your own
destiny.”
“Yes—perhaps so,” he drawled in his best reflective manner.
“I would have had her—she’d have been glad if you’d done as you wanted
with her. She won’t leave him till he’s strong, and he’ll marry her
before then. You should have had the courage to risk yourself—you’re
always too careful of yourself and your own poor feelings—you never
could brace yourself up to a shower-bath of contempt and hard usage, so
you’ve saved your feelings and lost—not much, I suppose—you couldn’t.”
“But——” he began, not looking up; and I laughed at him.
“Go on,” I said.
“Well—she was engaged to him——”
“Pah—you thought you were too good to be rejected.”
He was very pale, and when he was pale, the tan on his skin looked
sickly. He regarded me with his dark eyes, which were now full of
misery and a child’s big despair.
“And nothing else,” I completed, with which the little, exhausted
gunboat of my anger wrecked and sank utterly. Yet no thoughts would
spread sail on the sea of my pity: I was like water that heaves with
yearning, and is still.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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