Bildungsromans; Midlands (England) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
“Ay—in half a minute,” he finished the brandy, and rose. Although he
had drunk a good deal, he was quite steady, only there was a
disagreeable look always on his face, and his eyes seemed smaller and
more glittering than I had seen them. We took a bus to Victoria. He sat
swaying on his seat in the dim, clumsy vehicle, saying not a word. In
the vast cavern of the station the theatre-goers were hastening,
crossing the pale grey strand, small creatures scurrying hither and
thither in the space beneath the lonely lamps. As the train crawled
over the river we watched the far-flung hoop of diamond lights curving
slowly round and striping with bright threads the black water. He sat
looking with heavy eyes, seeming to shrink from the enormous
unintelligible lettering of the poem of London.
The town was too large for him, he could not take in its immense, its
stupendous poetry. What did come home to him was its flagrant discords.
The unintelligibility of the vast city made him apprehensive, and the
crudity of its big, coarse contrasts wounded him unutterably.
“What is the matter?” I asked him as we went along the silent pavement
at Norwood.
“Nothing,” he replied. “Nothing!” and I did not trouble him further.
We occupied a large, two-bedded room—that looked down the hill and over
to the far woods of Kent. He was morose and untalkative. I brought up a
soda-syphon and whisky, and we proceeded to undress. When he stood in
his pajamas he waited as if uncertain.
“Do you want a drink?” he asked.
I did not. He crossed to the table, and as I got into my bed I heard
the brief fizzing of the syphon. He drank his glass at one draught,
then switched off the light. In the sudden darkness I saw his pale
shadow go across to the sofa in the window-space. The blinds were
undrawn, and the stars looked in. He gazed out on the great bay of
darkness wherein, far away and below, floated a few sparks of lamps
like herring boats at sea.
“Aren’t you coming to bed?” I asked.
“I’m not sleepy—you go to sleep,” he answered, resenting having to
speak at all.
“Then put on a dressing gown—there’s one in that corner—turn the light
on.”
He did not answer, but fumbled for the garment in the darkness. When he
had found it, he said:
“Do you mind if I smoke?”
I did not. He fumbled again in his pockets for cigarettes, always
refusing to switch on the light. I watched his face bowed to the match
as he lighted his cigarette. He was still handsome in the ruddy light,
but his features were coarser. I felt very sorry for him, but I saw
that I could get no nearer to him, to relieve him. For some time I lay
in the darkness watching the end of his cigarette like a ruddy,
malignant insect hovering near his lips, putting the timid stars
immensely far away. He sat quite still, leaning on the sofa arm.
Occasionally there was a little glow on his cheeks as the cigarette
burned brighter, then again I could see nothing but the dull red bee.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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