"That’s a pity," mused Uncle Fred. "But I can slip inside and find out what they are doing this week and next. There’s some sort of entertainment going on: I can hear it." Thrusting his beard well forward, Uncle Fred marched boldly into the vestibule of the theatre. The framed photographs had been taken in for the night, and were ranged round the wall on easels. Uncle Fred set his spectacles in position, and began his usual methodical tour of inspection, at his regulation range of six inches. A stout lady, confined in a gilded cage in one of the walls, engaged in counting change, suspended operations to watch him. She caught the eye of the commissionnaire who stood at the swing-door leading to the stalls, and coughed delicately. Certainly Uncle Fred, in his semi-ecclesiastical frock-coat and Heath Robinson tall hat, crouching astride his umbrella in a strained endeavour to scrutinise the very lowest row in a large photographic group of chorus girls, fairly invited comment. "Boys will be boys!" observed the commissionnaire, to no one in particular; and the siren in the cage giggled. Suddenly Uncle Fred came to a dead point opposite the very last photograph in the last row. Feverishly reinforcing his spectacles with a pair of eye-glasses, he made a confirmatory examination, and then rose to an upright position—looking as Stanley may have looked when he found Livingstone. Then, for the first time, he became aware that he was not alone. "Naughty, naughty!" said a wheezy feminine voice. "Haw, haw, haw!" roared the commissionnaire. "I’m ashamed of you, little brighteyes!" declared the accusing angel in the cage. "Outside!" added the commissionnaire, recalled to a sense of duty by the appearance at the swing-door of an authoritative-looking person in a dinner jacket. Uncle Fred, shamefully misunderstood and deeply wounded, hurried out. In the street he hesitated. "Those people might have given me some useful information," he reflected. "But I won’t go back now, to be insulted! I think, after all, it would be best to see the caretaker at the stage door. I suppose that will be somewhere at the back." A voyage of circumnavigation brought him to the dingy portal which early training and settled conviction had always represented to him as giving direct access to the Infernal Regions. With a guilty thrill he crossed the threshold, and found himself confronted by an unshaven man slumbering in a glass box. Uncle Fred coughed nervously. The man opened his eyes, and pushed open a glass shutter. "Well?" he enquired. "I want to ask a favour," began Uncle Fred. But the man cut him short. "What is it? Temperance, or Christian Science? You can’t put up no notices on our call-board. Management don’t allow it." "I have reason to believe," pursued Uncle Fred, with feeble dignity, "that a young woman is employed here—" "We employ thirty-six of ’em," said the stage-door man.