He had always known from the time he was a young boy that man must do
something.... It was not sufficient to make a little money and sit down
and spend it, as a dog finds a bone and gnaws it, or buries it, in a
solitary place.... For a long time he had thought it sufficient to do
the little commerce of the world.... But that was not sufficient.... In
Buenos Aires he had felt ridiculous, as a giant might feel ridiculous
carrying little stones for the making of a grocer's house.... Ashamed, a
little resentful! He was like a dumb paralytic with flaming words in his
heart and brain, and he could not write them, not even speak them
aloud....
But all his life this had worried him, the getting of work to do. And
when he came to America with Granya he had come with great plans. Ships
and ship-building were the only things he knew, and he had thought with
others that the great clipper days might be revived. Iron steamships
were grasping the swift commerce of the world, but there were errands
great wooden ships under skysails might yet be supreme in, the grain
trade of San Francisco, for instance. And it might be possible, so he
had dreamed, that once more the great pre-war clippers should be the
pride of the new idealistic commonwealth ... and what had come from his
hand? A half-dozen three-masted schooners, and not very good schooners
either, being too long in the hull for strength.... And nobody seemed to
care.... From Belfast and the Clyde, iron boats swarmed like flies....
And people were impatient.... They did not care to wait if a ship were
blown from her course.... They wanted ships on time.... People had
laughed at him, calling him crazy, and saying he was trying to stem
progress.... And then they had done worse.... They had smiled and said
it was a hobby of his.... He knew it was no use. He quit.... And Granya
had been very tender.
"You mustn't mind, Shane. It was very lovely of you to dream and act....
But it is not intended. Don't take it to heart, dearest."
"All my life, Granya, I have been trying to do something, and I always
fail."
"Dear Shane, you never fail. The success is in yourself, not outside of
yourself. That is all."
"Ah, yes, Granya, but that is not enough. That seems so selfish. So many
men have done so much for the world, and I have done nothing. Even the
old charwoman on her knees scrubbing floors has done more. She has given
her best, and her best has been useful."
"But, Shane, you must wait. Have patience."
"I am old, Granya, and have done nothing."
"Wait, Shane, wait. I am going to dim the light, and blur all these
things around us, and tell you a secret thought has been deep in my
heart for years. There will be we two just in the room--absolute. And
come nearer the fire, dear Shane, where I can just see where your hand
is, and put my hand on it when the thought makes me feel like a child in
a great wood.... Shane....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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