Joy turned her head to look. She was quite sure that the speaker
couldn't see her very well, but she could see him, or the top of
him, perfectly, because he was standing in the crack of a door that
gave on to the back hall; a door few people remembered existed, as a
picture hung on it, and it gave no impression of ever being used. He
was young and broad-shouldered and sure-looking, little as she could
see of him. She could see his face as far down as the eyes, and that
was all. They were pleasant, steel-colored eyes, very amused and
direct, and his hair, in the light of the old-fashioned chandelier
behind him, glittered, fair and a little curlier than he evidently
approved of.
He slipped entirely through the door; at the same moment Joy blew
out the candle she had been holding up to Aunt Lucilla. Then she
laughed, a little shy, pretty laugh. She wished she could light it
again, to look at him, but she remembered that if she did that he
might think she _did_ want to look at him.
"I'm so glad you've come!" she almost said. He seemed like some one
she had been waiting for a long while, some way, instead of the usual
stranger you had to get used to. There was such a breath of freshness
and courage and cheer in just the few words he had spoken and the little
laugh they were borne on, that Joy felt irrationally what a nice world
it was. Then she remembered to reply to what he had said.
"It isn't a privilege, being me," she explained from her shadows.
He looked over to where her voice came from, but there wasn't
anything visible except a little dark heap on the last three stairs.
"I could tell better if I could see you," he stated pleasantly.
"Don't you want to take the hint?"
But Joy, mindful of the hanging braids that would certainly make him
think she was a little girl, would not take it at all. She snuggled
against the wall.
"Oh, you can see me any time," she said carelessly, "but you can
scarcely ever get to talk to me. At least, I heard somebody say so
last month."
She felt quite like somebody else, a gay, teasing, careless sort of
real girl, talking to him here in the dark. She was sure she
wouldn't if the lights were on. She could talk to him as if he were
some one out of a book or a story, so long as he didn't know she
looked like a book-person or a play-person herself.
"Well, anyway, do let me stay here," he begged, doing it. "For the
last hour I haven't felt as if it was much of a privilege to be me,
either. Do you know that feeling of terrible personal unworthiness
you get at a party where everybody knows everybody else and nobody
knows you? I feel like precisely the kind of long, wiggly worm the
little boy ate."
Joy felt very sorry for him; because if she didn't know that feeling
she knew one to match it; having everybody know her and nobody think
of playing with her.... This man was playing with her for a minute,
anyway.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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