American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"About an inch and a half apast ten! Seffy, I'm glad you ain't breaking
your reputation for being fastnachtich. Chust about a quarter of an inch
too late for the prize wiss flour on its hair and arms and its frock
pinned up to show its new petticoat! Uhu! If I had such a nice
petticoat--" he imitated the lady in question, to the tremendous delight
of the gentle loafers.
Seffy stared a little and rubbed some dust out of his eyes. He was
pleasant but dull.
"Yassir, Sef, if you'd a-got yere at a inch and a quarter apast! Now
Sam's got her. Down in the cellar a-licking molasses together! Doggone
if Sam don't git eferysing--except his due bills. He don't want to be no
anchel tell he dies. He's got fun enough yere--but Seffy--you're like
the flow of molasses in January--at courting."
This oblique suasion made no impression on Seffy. It is doubtful if he
understood it at all. The loafers began to smile. One laughed. The old
man checked him with a threat of personal harm.
"Hold on there, Jefferson Dafis Busby," he chid. "I don't allow no one
to laugh at my Seffy--except chust me--account I'm his daddy. It's a
fight-word the next time you do it."
Mr. Busby straightened his countenance.
"He don't seem to notice--nor keer--'bout gals--do he?"
No one spoke.
"No, durn him, he ain't no good. Say--what'll you give for him, hah?
Yere he goes to the highest bidder--for richer, for poorer, for better,
for worser, up and down, in and out, swing your partners--what's bid? He
ken plow as crooked as a mule's hind leg, sleep hard as a 'possum in
wintertime, eat like a snake, git left efery time--but he ken ketch
fish. They wait on him. What's bid?"
No one would hazard a bid.
"Yit a minute," shouted the old fellow, pulling out his bull's-eye
watch again, "what's bid? Going--going--all done--going--"
"A dollar!"
The bid came from behind him, and the voice was beautiful to hear. A
gleam came into the old man's eyes as he heard it. He deliberately put
the watch back in its pocket, put on his spectacles, and turned, as if
she were a stranger.
"Gone!" he announced then. "Who's the purchaser? Come forwards and take
away you' property. What's the name, please?" Then he pretended to
recognize her. "Oach! Sally! Well, that's lucky! He goes in good hands.
He's sound and kind, but needs the whip." He held out his hand for the
dollar.
It was the girl of whom he had spoken accurately as a prize. Her sleeves
were turned up as far as they would go, revealing some soft lace-trimmed
whiteness, and there _was_ flour on her arms. Some patches of it on her
face gave a petal-like effect to her otherwise aggressive color. The
pretty dress was pinned far enough back to reveal the prettier
petticoat--plus a pair of trimly-clad ankles.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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