The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.) — John Shaqi
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.)
General
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.)
American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"We all went out in the dinin'-room and the sun shone in and every one
laughed over nothin' a-_tall_. Mrs. Sperrit pinned Hiram up from inside
so his tear didn't show, and Lucy and he set side by side and looked
like no one was ever goin' to ever be married again. Polly an' the
deacon set opposite and the minister an' his wife an' Mr. Dill an'
Gran'ma Mullins made up the table. The rest stood around, and we was all
as lively as words can tell. The cake was one o' the handsomest as I
ever see, two pigeons peckin' a bell on top and Hiram an' Lucy runnin'
around below in pink. There was a dime inside an' a ring, an' I got the
dime, an' they must have forgot to put in the ring for no one got it."
Susan paused and panted.
"It was--" commented Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully.
"Nice that I got the dime?--yes, I should say. There certainly wasn't no
one there as needed it worse, an', although I'd never be one to call a
dime a fortune, still it _is_ a dime, an' no one can't deny it the
honor, no matter how they feel. But, Mrs. Lathrop, what you'd ought to
have seen was Hiram and Lucy ready to go off. I bet no one knows they're
brides--I bet no one knows _what_ they are,--you never saw the like in
all your worst dreams. Hiram wore spectacles an' carpet-slippers an'
that old umbrella as Mr. Shores keeps at the store to keep from bein'
stole, and Lucy wore clothes she'd found in trunks an' her hair in
curl-papers, an' her cold-cream gloves. They certainly was a sight, an'
Gran'ma Mullins laughed as hard as any one over them. Mr. Sperrit drove
'em to the train, an' Hiram says he's goin' to spend two dollars a day
right along till he comes back; so I guess Lucy'll have a good time for
once in her life. An' Gran'ma Mullins walked back with me an' not one
word o' Hiram did she speak. She was all Polly an' the deacon. She said
it wa'n't in reason as Polly could imagine him with hair, an' she said
she was thinkin' very seriously o' givin' her a piece o' his hair as
she's got, for a weddin' present. She said Polly 'd never know what he
was like the night he give her that hair. She said the moon was shinin'
an' the frogs were croakin', an' she kind o' choked; she says she can't
smell a marsh to this day without seein' the deacon givin' her that
piece of hair. I cheered her up all I could--I told her anyhow he
couldn't give Polly a piece of his hair if he died for it. She smiled a
weak smile an' went on up to Mrs. Brown's. Mrs. Brown asked her to stay
with her a day or two. Mrs. Brown has her faults, but nobody can't deny
as she's got a good heart,--in fact, sometimes I think Mrs. Brown's good
heart is about the worst fault she's got. I've knowed it lead her to do
very foolish things time an' again--things as I thank my star I'd never
think o' doin'--not in this world."
Mrs. Lathrop shifted her elbows a little; Susan withdrew at once from
the fence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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