American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
Mr. Ducklow had scarcely turned the corner of the street, when, looking
anxiously in the direction of his homestead, he saw a column of smoke.
It was directly over the spot where he knew his house to be situated. He
guessed at a glance what had happened. The frightful catastrophe he
foreboded had befallen. Taddy had set the house afire.
"Them bonds! them bonds!" he exclaimed, distractedly. He did not think
so much of the house: house and furniture were insured; if they were
burned the inconvenience would be great indeed, and at any other time
the thought of such an event would have been a sufficient cause for
trepidation; but now his chief, his only anxiety was the bonds. They
were not insured. They would be a dead loss. And, what added sharpness
to his pangs, they would be a loss which he must keep a secret, as he
had kept their existence a secret,--a loss which he could not confess,
and of which he could not complain. Had he not just given his neighbors
to understand that he had no such property? And his wife,--was she not
at that very moment, if not serving up a lie upon the subject, at least
paring the truth very thin indeed?
"A man would think," observed Ferring, "that Ducklow had some o' them
bonds on his hands, and got scaret, he took such a sudden start. He has,
hasn't he, Mrs. Ducklow?"
"Has what?" said Mrs. Ducklow, pretending ignorance.
"Some o' them cowpon bonds. I rather guess he's got some."
"You mean Gov'ment bonds? Ducklow got some? 'Tain't at all likely he'd
spec'late in them without saying something to _me_ about it. No, he
couldn't have any without my knowing it, I'm sure."
How demure, how innocent she looked, plying her knitting-needle, and
stopping to take up a stitch! How little at that moment she knew of
Ducklow's trouble and its terrible cause!
Ducklow's first impulse was to drive on and endeavor at all hazards to
snatch the bonds from the flames. His next was to return and alarm his
neighbors and obtain their assistance. But a minute's delay might be
fatal: so he drove on, screaming, "Fire! fire!" at the top of his voice.
But the old mare was a slow-footed animal; and Ducklow had no whip. He
reached forward and struck her with the reins.
"Git up! git up!--Fire! fire!" screamed Ducklow. "Oh, them bonds! them
bonds! Why didn't I give the money to Reuben? Fire! fire! fire!"
By dint of screaming and slapping, he urged her from a trot into a
gallop, which was scarcely an improvement as to speed, and certainly
not as to grace. It was like the gallop of an old cow. "Why don't ye go
'long?" he cried, despairingly.
Slap! slap! He knocked his own hat off with the loose end of the reins.
It fell under the wheels. He cast one look behind, to satisfy himself
that it had been very thoroughly run over and crushed into the dirt, and
left it to its fate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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