American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"Well, gentlemen," said the Senator, clearing his voice for action and
knocking the ashes from his cigar against the arm of his
chair,--"gentlemen, I am not in the habit of spinning yarns of
marvellous or fictitious matters; and therefore it is scarcely necessary
to affirm upon the responsibility of my reputation, gentlemen, that what
I am about to tell you I most solemnly proclaim to be truth, and--"
"Oh, never mind that: go on, Mr. ----," chimed the party.
"Well gentlemen, in 18-- I came down the Ohio River, and settled at
Losanti, now called Cincinnati. It was at that time but a little
settlement of some twenty or thirty log and frame cabins, and where now
stand the Broadway Hotel and blocks of stores and dwelling-houses, was
the cottage and corn-patch of old Mr. ----, the tailor, who, by the bye,
bought that land for the making of a coat for one of the settlers. Well,
I put up my cabin, with the aid of my neighbors, and put in a patch of
corn and potatoes, about where the Fly Market now stands, and set about
improving my lot, house, etc.
"Occasionally I took up my rifle and started off with my dog down the
river, to look up a little deer or bar meat, then very plenty along the
river. The blasted red-skins were lurking about and hovering around the
settlement, and every once in a while picked off some of our neighbors
or stole our cattle or horses. I hated the red demons, and made no bones
of peppering the blasted sarpents whenever I got a sight of them. In
fact, the red rascals had a dread of me, and had laid a good many traps
to get my scalp, but I wasn't to be catched napping. No, no, gentlemen,
I was too well up to 'em for that.
"Well, I started off one morning, pretty early, to take a hunt, and
traveled a long way down the river, over the bottoms and hills, but
couldn't find no _bar_ nor deer. About four o'clock in the afternoon I
made tracks for the settlement again. By and by I sees a buck just ahead
of me, walking leisurely down the river. I slipped up, with my faithful
old dog close in my rear, to within clever shooting-distance, and just
as the buck stuck his nose in the drink I drew a bead upon his top-knot,
and over he tumbled, and splurged and bounded a while, when I came up
and relieved him by cutting his wizen--"
"Well, but what has that to do with an _adventure_?" said Riley.
"Hold on a bit, if you please, gentlemen; by Jove, it had a great deal
to do with it. For, while I was busy skinning the hind-quarters of the
buck, and stowing away the kidney-fat in my hunting-shirt, I heard a
noise like the breaking of brush under a moccasin up 'the bottom.' My
dog heard it, and started up to reconnoiter, and I lost no time in
reloading my rifle. I had hardly got my priming out before my dog raised
a howl and broke through the brush toward me with his tail down, as he
was not used to doing unless there were wolves, painters (panthers), or
Injins about.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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