American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"I picked up my knife, and took up my line of march in a skulking trot
up the river. The frequent gullies on the lower bank made it tedious
traveling there, so I scrabbled up to the upper bank, which was pretty
well covered with buckeye and sycamore, and very little underbrush. One
peep below discovered to me three as big and strapping red rascals,
gentlemen, as you ever clapped your eyes on! Yes, there they came, not
above six hundred yards in my rear, shouting and yelling like hounds,
and coming after me like all possessed."
"Well," said an old woodsman, sitting at the table, "you took a tree, of
course."
"Did I? No, gentlemen, I took no tree just then, but I took to my heels
like sixty, and it was just as much as my old dog could do to keep up
with me. I run until the whoops of my red-skins grew fainter and fainter
behind me, and, clean out of wind, I ventured to look behind me, and
there came one single red whelp, puffing and blowing, not three hundred
yards in my rear. He had got on to a piece of bottom where the trees
were small and scarce. 'Now,' thinks I, 'old fellow, I'll have you.' So
I trotted off at a pace sufficient to let my follower gain on me, and
when he had got just about near enough I wheeled and fired, and down I
brought him, dead as a door-nail, at a hundred and twenty yards!"
"Then you skelp'd (scalped) him immediately?" said the backwoodsman.
"Very clear of it, gentlemen; for by the time I got my rifle loaded,
here came the other two red-skins, shouting and whooping close on me,
and away I broke again like a quarter-horse. I was now about five miles
from the settlement, and it was getting toward sunset. I ran till my
wind began to be pretty short, when I took a look back, and there they
came, snorting like mad buffaloes, one about two or three hundred yards
ahead of the other: so I acted possum again until the foremost Injin got
pretty well up, and I wheeled and fired at the very moment he was
'drawing a bead' on me: he fell head over stomach into the dirt, and up
came the last one!"
"So you laid for him, and--" gasped several.
"No," continued the "member," "I didn't lay for him, I hadn't time to
load, so I laid my _legs_ to ground and started again. I heard every
bound he made after me. I ran and ran until the fire flew out of my
eyes, and the old dog's tongue hung out of his mouth a quarter of a yard
long!"
"Phe-e-e-e-w!" whistled somebody.
"Fact, gentlemen. Well, what I was to do I didn't know: rifle empty, no
big trees about, and a murdering red Indian not three hundred yards in
my rear; and what was worse, just then it occurred to me that I was not
a great ways from a big creek (now called Mill Creek), and there I
should be pinned at last.
"Just at this juncture, I struck my toe against a root, and down I
tumbled, and my old dog over me. Before I could scrabble up--"
"The Indian fired!" gasped the old woodsman.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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