American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"He did, gentlemen, and I felt the ball strike me under the shoulder;
but that didn't seem to put any embargo upon my locomotion, for as soon
as I got up I took off again, quite freshened by my fall! I heard the
red-skin close behind me coming booming on, and every minute I expected
to have his tomahawk dashed into my head or shoulders.
"Something kind of cool began to trickle down my legs into my boots--"
"Blood, eh? for the shot the varmint gin you," said the old woodsman, in
a great state of excitement.
"I thought so," said the Senator; "but what do you think it was?"
Not being blood, we were all puzzled to know what the blazes it could
be; when Riley observed,--
"I suppose you had--"
"Melted the deer-fat which I had stuck in the breast of my
hunting-shirt, and the grease was running down my leg until my feet got
so greasy that my heavy boots flew off, and one, hitting the dog, nearly
knocked his brains out."
We all grinned, which the "member" noticing, observed,--
"I hope, gentlemen, no man here will presume to think I'm exaggerating?"
"Oh, certainly not! Go on, Mr. ----," we all chimed in.
"Well, the ground under my feet was soft, and, being relieved of my
heavy boots, I put off with double-quick time, and, seeing the creek
about half a mile off, I ventured to look over my shoulder to see what
kind of chance there was to hold up and load. The red-skin was coming
jogging along, pretty well blowed out, about five hundred yards in the
rear. Thinks I, 'Here goes to load, anyhow.' So at it I went: in went
the powder, and, putting on my patch, down went the ball about half-way,
and off snapped my ramrod!"
"Thunder and lightning!" shouted the old woodsman, who was worked up to
the top-notch in the "member's" story.
"Good gracious! wasn't I in a pickle! There was the red whelp within two
hundred yards of me, pacing along and _loading up his rifle as he came_!
I jerked out the broken ramrod, dashed it away, and started on, priming
up as I cantered off, determined to turn and give the red-skin a blast,
anyhow, as soon as I reached the creek.
"I was now within a hundred yards of the creek, could see the smoke from
the settlement chimneys. A few more jumps, and I was by the creek. The
Indian was close upon me: he gave a whoop, and I raised my rifle: on he
came, knowing that I had broken my ramrod and my load not down: another
whoop! whoop! and he was within fifty yards of me. I pulled trigger,
and--"
"And killed _him_?" chuckled Riley.
"No, _sir_! I missed fire!"
"And the red-skin--" shouted the old woodsman, in a frenzy of
excitement.
"_Fired and killed me!_"
The screams and shouts that followed this finale brought landlord Noble,
servants and hostlers running up stairs to see if the house was on
fire!
"AS GOOD AS A PLAY"
BY HORACE E. SCUDDER
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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