The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IX (of X) — John Shaqi
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IX (of X)
General
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IX (of X)
American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
Mrs. Grimes often said that if she had a million dollars, the very first
thing she would do would be to purchase the Jenkins place. George's idea
was to tear down the fences, throwing everything open, and to dedicate
the grounds to the public. Mrs. Grimes wanted to put a great free
library in the house and to have a club for poor working-women in the
second-floor rooms. George estimated that one hundred thousand dollars
would be enough to carry out their plans. Say fifty thousand dollars for
purchase money, and then fifty more invested at six per cent. to
maintain the place.
"But if we had a million," said George, "I think I should give one
hundred and fifty thousand to the enterprise and do the thing right.
There would always be repairs and new books to buy and matters of that
kind."
But this was not the only benevolent dream of these kind-hearted people.
They liked to think of the joy that would fill the heart of that poor
struggling pastor, Mr. Borrow, if they could tell him that they would
pay the whole debt of the Presbyterian Church, six thousand dollars.
"And I would have his salary increased, George," said Mrs. Grimes. "It
is shameful to compel that poor man to live on a thousand dollars."
"Outrageous," said George. "I would guarantee him another thousand, and
maybe more; but we should have to do it quietly, for fear of wounding
him."
"That mortgage on the Methodist Church," said Mrs. Grimes. "Imagine the
happiness of those poor people in having it lifted! And so easy to do,
too, if we had a million dollars."
"Certainly, and I would give the Baptists a handsome pipe-organ instead
of that wheezing melodeon. Dreadful, isn't it?"
"You can get a fine organ for $2,000," said Mrs. Grimes.
"Yes, of course, but I wouldn't be mean about it; not mean on a million
dollars. Let them have a really good organ, say for $3,000 or $3,500;
and then build them a parsonage, too."
"The fact is," said Mrs. Grimes, "that people like us really ought to
have large wealth, for we know how to use it rightly."
"I often think of that," answered George. "If I know my own soul I long
to do good. It makes my heart bleed to see the misery about us, misery I
am absolutely unable to relieve. I am sure that if I really had a
million dollars I should not want to squander it on mere selfish
pleasure, nor would you. The greatest happiness any one can have is in
making others happy; and it is a wonder to me that our rich people don't
see this. Think of old General Jenkins and his twenty million dollars,
and what we would do for our neighbors with a mere fraction of that!"
"For we really want nothing much for ourselves," said Mrs. Grimes. "We
are entirely satisfied with what we have in this lovely little home and
with your $2,000 salary from the bank."
"Almost entirely," said George. "There are some few little things we
might add in--just a few; but with a million we could easily get them
and more and have such enormous amounts of money left."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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