American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
By close and accurate observation with an excellent opera-glass we have
arrived at the conclusion that its entire surface is covered with water
to a very great depth; which water, being composed by a process known at
present only to the Creator of the Universe and Mr. Paine, of Worcester,
Massachusetts, generates carburetted hydrogen gas, which, being
inflamed, surrounds the entire body with an ocean of fire, from which
we, and the other planets, receive our light and heat. The spots upon
its surface are glimpses of water, obtained through the fire; and we
call the attention of our old friend and former schoolmate, Mr. Agassiz,
to this fact; as by closely observing one of these spots with a strong
refracting telescope he may discover a new species of fish, with little
fishes inside of them. It is possible that the Sun may burn out after a
while, which would leave this world in a state of darkness quite
uncomfortable to contemplate; but even under these circumstances it is
pleasant to reflect that courting and love-making would probably
increase to an indefinite extent, and that many persons would make large
fortunes by the sudden rise in value of coal, wood, candles, and gas,
which would go to illustrate the truth of the old proverb, "It's an ill
wind that blows nobody any good."
Upon the whole, the Sun is a glorious creation; pleasing to gaze upon
(through smoked glass), elevating to think upon, and exceedingly
comfortable to every created being on a cold day; it is the largest, the
brightest, and may be considered by far the most magnificent object in
the celestial sphere; though with all these attributes it must be
confessed that it is occasionally entirely eclipsed by the moon.
CHAPTER II
We shall now proceed to the consideration of the several planets.
MERCURY
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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