American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
The evidence conveyed in this distich is, however, rejected by the
skeptical, among modern Astronomers, who consider the passage an
allegory. "The man in the South," being supposed typical of the late
John C. Calhoun, and the "cold, hot porridge," alluded to the project of
nullification.
END OF LECTURE FIRST
NOTE BY THE AUTHOR--Itinerant Lecturers are cautioned against
making use of the above production, without obtaining the necessary
authority from the proprietors of the Pioneer Magazine. To those
who may obtain such authority, it may be well to state that at the
close of the Lecture it was the intention of the author to exhibit
and explain to the audience an orrery, accompanying and
interspersing his remarks by a choice selection of popular airs on
the hand-organ.
An economical orrery may be constructed by attaching eighteen wires
of graduated lengths to the shaft of a candlestick, apples of
different sizes being placed at their extremities to represent the
Planets, and a central orange resting on the candlestick,
representing the Sun.
An orrery of this description is, however, liable to the objection
that if handed around among the audience for examination, it is
seldom returned uninjured. The author has known an instance in
which a child four years of age, on an occasion of this kind,
devoured in succession the planets Jupiter and Herschel, and bit a
large spot out of the Sun before he could be arrested.
J.P.
AT AUNTY'S HOUSE
BY JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
One time, when we'z at Aunty's house--
'Way in the country!--where
They's ist but woods--an' pigs, an' cows--
An' all's out-doors an' air!--
An' orchurd-swing; an' churry-trees--
An' _churries_ in 'em!--Yes, an' these-
Here red-head birds steals all they please,
An' tetch 'em ef you dare!--
W'y, wunst, one time, when we wuz there,
_We et out on the porch_!
Wite where the cellar-door wuz shut
The table wuz; an' I
Let Aunty set by me an' cut
My vittuls up--an' pie.
'Tuz awful funny!--I could see
The red-heads in the churry-tree;
An' bee-hives, where you got to be
So keerful, goin' by;--
An' "Comp'ny" there an' all!--an' we--
_We et out on the porch_!
An' I ist et _p'surves_ an' things
'At Ma don't 'low me to--
An' _chickun-gizzurds_--(don't like _wings_
Like _Parunts_ does! do _you_?)
An' all the time, the wind blowed there,
An' I could feel it in my hair,
An' ist smell clover _ever_'where!--
An' a' old red-head flew
Purt' nigh wite over my high-chair,
_When we et on the porch_!
WILLY AND THE LADY
BY GELETT BURGESS
Leave the lady, Willy, let the racket rip,
She is going to fool you, you have lost your grip,
Your brain is in a muddle and your heart is in a whirl,
Come along with me, Willy, never mind the girl!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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