The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V. (of X.) — John Shaqi
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V. (of X.)
General
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V. (of X.)
American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"It was his duty," said the captain.
"Ho!" exclaimed Danny. "It's your business to protect the public, ain't
it?"
"Of course," admitted the captain.
"Well, ain't we the public?"
The captain laughed uneasily. His experience as a policeman had left him
very much in doubt as to who were the public. Both sides to a
controversy always claimed that distinction, and the law-breaker was
usually the louder in his claims. Danny's inability to see anything but
his own side of the case was far from unusual.
The captain took Danny into his private office and talked to him. The
captain did not wish to lock up the boy, so he sent for Danny's father
and also for the manager of the branch messenger-office. Meanwhile he
tried to explain the matter to Danny, but Danny was obtuse. Why should
not he do as his father and his father's friends did? When they had a
disagreement with the boss, they picketed the plant, and ensuing
incidents sent many people to the hospitals. Why was it worse for one
boy to do this than it was for some hundreds or thousands of men? Danny
was confident that he was within his rights.
"Dad knows," he said in conclusion. "Dad'll say I'm right. You got no
business mixin' in."
"Dad's coming," the captain told him.
The manager came first. "The boy ought to be punished," said he. "He hit
me with a rock."
"I wish you'd seen him," said the beaming Danny to the captain, for the
recollection of that victory made all else seem trivial. "Say! he
doubled up like a clown droppin' into a barrel."
"If he isn't punished," asserted the glowering manager, "he'll get worse
and worse and end by going to the devil."
"Perhaps," replied the captain. "But just stand beside him a moment,
please. Don't dodge, Danny. He'll go behind the bars if he touches you.
Stand side by side."
They did so.
"Now," said the captain to the manager, "how do you think you'll look,
standing beside him in the police court and accusing him of assault and
battery?"
"Like a fool," replied the manager promptly, forced to laugh in spite of
himself.
"And what kind of a story--illustrated story--will it be for the
papers?" persisted the captain.
"Let him go," said the manager; "but he ought to be whaled."
It was at this point that Dan arrived, accompanied by his wife.
"F'r why sh'u'd he be whaled?" demanded the latter aggressively.
The matter was explained to her.
"Is that thrue, Danny?" she asked.
"Sure," replied the boy.
"Well, I'd like to see anny wan outside the fam'ly whale ye," she said,
with a defiant look at the manager, "but I'll do it mesilf."
Danny was astounded. In this quarter at least he had expected support.
He glanced at his father.
"I'll take a lick or two at ye mesilf," said Dan. "The idee of breakin'
the law an' makin' all this throuble."
"You've done it yourself," argued Danny.
"Shut up!" commanded Dan. "Ye don't know what ye're talkin' about. A
sthrike's wan thing an' disordherly conduct's another."
"This was a strike," insisted Danny.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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