American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
In twenty minutes I had him almost convinced that Eleanor had loved him
all these years. But he worried a lot about a Mr. Wise who had been on
the same train, and a certain Colonel Hadow who had also paid Eleanor
attention. Jones was a great fellow for wanting to be sure. I
pooh-poohed them out of the way and gave him the open track. Then,
indeed, the clouds rolled away. He beamed with joy. In his rich gush of
friendship he recurred to the subject of my insomnia with a new-born
enthusiasm. He subdivided all my symptoms. He dived again into my
physical being. He consulted German authorities. I squirmed and lied
and resisted all I could, but he said he owed me an eternal debt that
could only be liquidated by an absolute cure. He wanted to tie me up and
shoot me with an X-ray. He ordered me to wear white socks. He had a
long, terrifying look at a drop of my blood. He jerked hairs out of my
head to sample my nerve force. He said I was a baffling subject, but
that he meant to make me well if it took the last shot in the scientific
locker. And he wound up at last by refusing point-blank to be paid a
cent!
I waltzed away on air to write an account of the whole affair to Freddy,
and dictate a plan of operations. I was justified in feeling proud of
myself. Most men would have tamely submitted to their fate instead of
chasing up all the Joneses of Jonesville! Freddy sent me an early
answer--a gay, happy, overflowing little note--telling me to try and
engage Doctor Jones for a three-day house-party at Morristown. I was to
telegraph when he could come, and was promised an official invitation
from Mrs. Matthewman. (She was the aunt, you know, that they lived
with--one of those old porcelain ladies with a lace cap and a
rent-roll.) However, I could not do anything for two days, for we had
reached a crisis in the labor troubles, and matters were approaching the
breaking point. We were threatened with one of those "sympathetic"
strikes that drive business men crazy. There was no question at issue
between ourselves and our employes; but the thing ramified off somewhere
to the sugar vacuum-boiler riveters' union. Finally the S.V.B.R.U. came
to a settlement with their bosses, and peace was permitted to descend on
Hodge & Westoby's.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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