The Wit and Humor of America, Volume VI. (of X.) — John Shaqi
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume VI. (of X.)
General
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume VI. (of X.)
American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"I didn't say nuffin', but I knowed bery well he wa'n't a-gwine to git
it.
"But, Major, you oughter seen ole marsa lookin' for der udder leg ob dat
goose! He rolled him ober on de dish, dis way an' dat way, an' den he
jabbed dat ole bone-handled caarvin' fork in him an' hel' him up ober de
dish an' looked under him an' on top ob him, an' den he says, kinder sad
like:
"'Chad, whar is de udder leg ob dat goose?'
"'It didn't hab none,' says I.
"'You mean ter say, Chad, dat de gooses on my plantation on'y got one
leg?'
"'Some ob 'em has an' some ob 'em ain't. You see, marsa, we got two
kinds in de pond, an' we was a little boddered to-day, so Mammy Jane
cooked dis one 'cause I cotched it fust.'
"'Well,' said he, lookin' like he look when he send for you in de little
room, 'I'll settle wid ye after dinner.'
"Well, dar I was shiverin' an' shakin' in my shoes, an' droppin' gravy
an' spillin' de wine on de table-cloth, I was dat shuck up; an' when de
dinner was ober he calls all de ladies an' gemmen, an' says, 'Now come
down to de duck pond. I'm gwineter show dis nigger dat all de gooses on
my plantation got mo' den one leg.'
"I followed 'long, trapesin' after de whole kit an' b'ilin', an' when we
got to de pond"--here Chad nearly went into a convulsion with
suppressed laughter--"dar was de gooses sittin' on a log in de middle of
dat ole green goose-pond wid one leg stuck down so, an' de udder tucked
under de wing."
Chad was now on one leg, balancing himself by my chair, the tears
running down his cheek.
"'Dar, marsa,' says I, 'don't ye see? Look at dat ole gray goose! Dat's
de berry match ob de one we had to-day.'
"Den de ladies all hollered, an' de gemmen laughed so loud dey yerd 'em
at de big house.
"'Stop, you black scoun'rel!' Marsa John says, his face gittin' white
an' he a-jerkin' his handkerchief from his pocket. 'Shoo!'
"Major, I hope to have my brains kicked out by a lame grasshopper if
ebery one ob dem gooses didn't put down de udder leg!
"'Now, you lyin' nigger,' he says, raisin' his cane ober my head, 'I'll
show you'--
"'Stop, Marsa John!' I hollered; ''t ain't fair, 't ain't fair.'
"'Why ain't it fair?' says he.
"''Cause,' says I, 'you didn't say "Shoo!" to de goose what was on de
table'."
Chad laughed until he choked.
"And did he thrash you?"
"Marsa John? No, sah. He laughed loud as anybody; an' den dat night he
says to me as I was puttin' some wood on de fire:
"'Chad, where did dat leg go?' An' so I ups an' tells him all about
Henny, an' how I was lyin' 'case I was 'feared de gal would git hurt,
an' how she was on'y a-foolin', thinkin' it was my goose; an' den de ole
marsa look in de fire for a long time, an' den he says:
"'Dat's Colonel Barbour's Henny, ain't it, Chad?'
"'Yes, marsa,' says I.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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