Produced by Suzanne Lybarger, Annie McGuire, Brian Janes and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net Library Edition THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA In Ten Volumes VOL. VIII [Illustration: ROBERT J. BURDETTE] THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA EDITED BY MARSHALL P. WILDER _Volume VIII_ Funk & Wagnalls Company New York and London Copyright MDCCCCVII, BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY Copyright MDCCCCXI, THE THWING COMPANY CONTENTS PAGE Boston Ballad, A. Walt Whitman 1479 Branch Library, A. James Montgomery Flagg 1446 Chief Mate, The James Russell Lowell 1482 Columbia and the Cowboy Alice MacGowan 1582 Daniel Come to Judgment, A Edmund Vance Cooke 1399 Darius Green and His Flying Machine J. T. Trowbridge 1539 "Day is Done, The" Phoebe Cary 1628 Dictum Sapienti John Paul 1624 Duluth Speech, The J. Proctor Knott 1606 Enchanted Hat, The Harold MacGrath 1510 Eve's Daughter Edward Rowland Sill 1605 Fate R. K. Munkittrick 1554 Final Choice, The Edmund Vance Cooke 1427 Forbearance of the Admiral, The Wallace Irwin 1553 Gentle Art of Boosting, The John Kendrick Bangs 1575 Girl and the Julep, The Emerson Hough 1401 Grandfather Squeers James Whitcomb Riley 1571 Guest at the Ludlow Bill Nye 1503 Hard Tom Masson 1625 Hon. Ranson Peabody George Ade 1429 Icarus John G. Saxe 1493 Is it I? Warwick S. Price 1447 Johnny's Lessons Carroll Watson Rankin 1570 Kaiser's Farewell to Prince Henry Bert Leston Taylor 1568 Life Elixir of Marthy, The Elizabeth Hyer Neff 1555 Litigation Bill Arp 1533 Mr. Carteret and His Fellow Americans Abroad David Gray 1462 Mr. Dooley on Golf Finley Peter Dunne 1630 Niagara be Dammed Wallace Irwin 1551 Not According to Schedule Mary Stewart Cutting 1448 Nothing to Wear William Allen Butler 1435 One of the Palls Doane Robinson 1601 Paper: A Poem Benjamin Franklin 1548