American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
But, thanks to the beneficence of that band of ministering angels who
have their bright abodes in the far-off capital of Minnesota, just as
the agony of my anxiety was about to culminate in the frenzy of despair,
this blessed map was placed in my hands; and as I unfolded it a
resplendent scene of ineffable glory opened before me, such as I imagine
burst upon the enraptured vision of the wandering peri through the
opening gates of paradise. (Renewed laughter.) There, there for the
first time, my enchanted eye rested upon the ravishing word "Duluth."
This map, sir, is intended, as it appears from its title, to illustrate
the position of Duluth in the United States; but if gentlemen will
examine it, I think they will concur with me in the opinion that it is
far too modest in its pretensions. It not only illustrates the position
of Duluth in the United States, but exhibits its relations with all
created things. It even goes farther than this. It lifts the shadowy
veil of futurity, and affords us a view of the golden prospects of
Duluth far along the dim vista of ages yet to come.
If gentlemen will examine it, they will find Duluth not only in the
centre of the map, but represented in the centre of a series of
concentric circles, one hundred miles apart, and some of them as much as
four thousand miles in diameter, embracing alike in their tremendous
sweep the fragrant savannas of the sun-lit South and the eternal
solitudes of snow that mantle the ice-bound North. (Laughter.) How these
circles were produced is perhaps one of those primordial mysteries that
the most skillful paleologist will never be able to explain. (Renewed
laughter.) But the fact is, sir, Duluth is preeminently a central place,
for I am told by gentlemen who have been so reckless of their own
personal safety as to venture away into those awful regions where Duluth
is supposed to be that it is so exactly in the centre of the visible
universe that the sky comes down at precisely the same distance all
around it. (Roars of laughter.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account