American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
Thus did I speak to the young man, and he saw that I was a person of
force and discretion, and he withdrew to the train and I never saw him
again.
Araminta had been to Passaic shopping, but she came back while I was out
in the barn looking at my new purchase, and she joined me there. I
looked at her lovingly, and she returned the look. Our joint ambition
was realized; we were the owners of an automobile, and we were going out
that afternoon.
Why is it that cheap barns are so flimsily built? I know that our barn
is cheap because the rent for house and barn is less than what many a
clerk, city pent, pays for a cramped flat, but again I ask, why are they
flimsily built? I have no complaint to make. If my barn had been built
of good stout oak I might to-day be in a hospital.
It happened this way. Araminta said, "Let me get in, and we will take
just a little ride to see how it goes," and I out of my love for her
said, "Wait just a few minutes, dearest, until I get the hang of the
thing. I want to see how much go she has and just how she works."
Araminta has learned to obey my slightest word, knowing that love is at
the bottom of all my commands, and she stepped to one side while I
entered the gayly-painted vehicle and tried to move out of the barn. I
moved out. But I backed. Oh, blessed, cheaply built barn. My way was not
restricted to any appreciable extent. I shot gayly through the barn into
the hen yard, and the sound of the ripping clapboards frightened the
silly hens who were enjoying a dust-bath, and they fled in more
directions than there were fowls.
I had not intended entering the hen yard, and I did not wish to stay
there, so I kept on out, the wire netting not being what an automobile
would call an obstruction. I never lose my head, and when I heard
Araminta screaming in the barn, I called out cheerily to her, "I'll be
back in a minute, dear, but I'm coming another way."
And I did come another way. I came all sorts of ways. I really don't
know what got into the machine, but she now turned to the left and made
for the road, and then she ran along on her two left wheels for a
moment, and then seemed about to turn a somersault, but changed her
mind, and, still veering to the left, kept on up the road, passing my
house at a furious speed, and making for the open country. With as much
calmness as I could summon I steered her, but I think I steered her a
little too much, for she turned toward my house.
I reached one end of the front piazza at the same time that Araminta
reached the other end of it. I had the right of way, and she deferred to
me just in time. I removed the vestibule storm door. It was late in
March, and I did not think we should have any more use for it that
season. And we didn't.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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