Der Twine vas shtart like plazes; Boot oopshtarted too his wit, Und he dinks, "Great Turnips! what if I Could bass for Colonel Schmit? Gaul dern my heels! _I'll do it_, Und go the total swine! Oh, Soap-balls! what a chance!" said dis Dissembulatin Twine. Den 'twas "Willkomm! willkomm, Mishder Schmit!" Ringsroom on efery site; Und "First-rate! How dy-do yourself?" Der Hiram Twine replied. Dey ashk him, "Come und dake a trink?" But dey find it mighdy queer Ven Twine informs dem none boot hogs Vould trink dat shtinkin bier; Dat all lager vas nodings boot boison; Und ash for Sherman wein, He dinks it vas erfounden Exshbressly for Sherman schwein; Dat he himself vas a demperanceler-- Dat he gloria in de name; Und atfise dem all, for tecency's sake, To go und do de same. Dese bemarks among de Deutschers Vere apout ash vell receife Ash a cats in a game of den-bins, Ash you may of coorse peliefe: De heat of de reception Vent down a dootzen tegrees, Und in place of hurraws dere vas only heardt De rooslin of de drees. Und so in solemn stille Dey scorched him to de hall, Vhere he maket de oradion Vitch vas so moosh to blease dem all; Und dis vay he pegin it: "Pefore I furder go, I vish dat my obinions You puddin-het Dootch should know. "Und ere I norate to you, I think it only fair We should oonderstand each other Prezactly, chunk and square. Dere are boints on vhich ve tisagree, And I will plank de facts-- I don't go round slanganderin My friendts pehind deir packs. "So I beg you dake it easy If on de raw I touch, Vhen I say I can't apide de sound Of your groontin, shi-shing Dutch. Should I in the Legisladure As your slumgullion shtand, I'll have a bill forbidding Dutch Troo all dis 'versal land. "Should a husband talk it to his frau, To deat' he should pe led; If a mutter breat' it to her shild, I'd bunch her in de head; Und I'm sure dat none vill atfocate Ids use in public schools, Oonless dey're peastly, nashdy, prutal, Sauerkraut-eaten vools." Here Mishder Twine, to gadder breat, Shoost make a liddle pause, Und see sechs hundert gapin eyes, Sechs hundert shdarin chaws, Dey shtanden erstarrt like frozen; Von faindly dried to hiss; Und von set: "Ish it shleeps I'm treamin? Gottausend! vat ish dis?" Twine keptet von eye on de vindow, Boot poldly went ahet: "Of your oder shtinkin hobits No vordt needt hier pe set. Shtop goozlin bier--shtop shmokin bipes-- Shtop rootin in de mire; Und shoost _un-Dutchify_ yourselfs: Dat's all dat I require." Und _denn_ dere coomed a shindy, Ash if de shky hat trop: "Trow him mit ecks, py doonder! Go shlog him on de kop! Hei! Shoot him mit a powie-knifes; Go for him, ganz and gar! Shoost tar him mit some fedders! Led's fedder him mit tar!"