I don't want any hymnbook when the Methodists is nigh, A-linin' out the ol' ones that went thrillin' to the sky In the ol' campmeetin' seasons, when 'twuz "Glory hallelu!" An' "Brother, rise an' tell us what the Lord has done fer you!" Fer I know them songs so perfect that when I git the swing O' the tune they want to go to I kin shet my eyes an' sing! "On Jordan's stormy banks," an' ol' "Amazin' Grace"--they seem So nat'ral, I'm like some one that's singin' in a dream! Oh, when it comes to them ol' songs I allus does my part; An' I've got the ol'-time Bible down, as you might say, "by heart!" When the preacher says the fust word in the givin' of his text I smile with satisfaction, kaze I know what's comin' next! The wife says: "That's amazin'!" an' the preacher says--says he, With lots o' meanin' in his voice, an' lookin' queer at me "Sence you know more o' the Bible than the best o' us kin teach, Don't you think you orter practice what you're payin' us to preach?" Well, _that_ gits me in a _corner_--an' I sorter raise my eyes An' the tune about them titles to the "mansions in the skies"! I want the benediction then--I'm ready to depart! But when it comes to singin'--well, I've got the hymns by heart! BREITMANN IN POLITICS SHOWING HOW MR. HIRAM TWINE "PLAYED OFF" ON SMITH BY CHARLES GODFREY LELAND VIDE LICET: Dere vas a fillage Whose vode alone vouldt pe Apout enoof to elegdt a man, Und gife a mayority; So de von who couldt scoop dis seddlement Vould make a pully hit; Boot dough dey vere Deutschers, von und all, Dey all go von on Schmit. Now it happenet to gome to bass Dat in dis liddle town De Deutsch vas all exshpegdin Dat Mishder Schmit coom down, His brinciples to fore-setzen Und his idees to deach, (Dat is, fix oop de brifate pargains) Und telifer a pooblic sbeech. Now Twine vas a gyrotwistive cuss, Ash blainly ish peen shown, Und vas alfays an out-findin Votefer might pe known; Und mit some of his circumswindles He fix de matter so Dat he'd pe himself at dis meetin And see how dings vas go. Oh shtrangely in dis leben De dings kits vorked apout! Oh voonderly Fortuna Makes toorn us insite out! Oh sinkular de luck-wheel rolls! Dis liddle meeding dere Fixt Twine _ad perpendiculum_-- Shoost suit him to a hair! Now it hoppenit on dis efenin De Deutschers, von und all, Vere avaitin mit impatience De openin of de ball; Und de shates of nite vere fallin Und de shdars begin to plink, Und dey vish dat Schmit vouldt hoorry, For 'dvas dime to dake a trink. Dey hear some hoofs a-dramplin, Und dey saw, und dinked dey knowed, Der bretty greature coomin, On his horse along de road; Und ash he ride town in-ward De likeness vas so plain Dey donnered out, "Hooray for Schmit!" Enough to make it rain.