"It isn't entirely that I've lost her; that I've got to give up hoping
that she'll some time care and settle down to knowing she is gone
forever! It's the way she went! The--the--the _disgrace_! The
humiliation! The awfulness of the way she went! We've never had anything
like that in our family. And to think my baby has got to grow up to know
that shame! To know that her mother was a disgraceful woman! That I gave
her a mother like that!"
"Now, look here, Tennelly! You didn't know! You thought she would be all
right when you were married!"
"But I _did know_!" wailed Tennelly. "I knew in my soul! I think I knew
when I first saw her, and that was why I worried about you when you used
to go and see her. I knew she wasn't the woman for you. But, blamed fool
that I was! I thought I was more of a man of the world, and would be
able to hold her! No, I didn't, either, for I knew it was like trying to
enjoy a sound sleep in a powder-magazine with a pocketful of matches, to
trust my love to her! But I did it, anyway! I dared trouble! And my
little child has got to suffer for it!"
"Your little child will perhaps be better for it!"
"I can't see it that way!"
"You don't have to. If God does, isn't that enough?"
"I don't know! I can't see God now; it's too dark!" Tennelly put his
forehead against the window-pane and groaned.
"But you have your little child," said Courtland, hesitating. "Isn't
that something to help?"
"She breaks my heart," said the father. "To think of her worse than
motherless! That little bit of a helpless thing! And it's my fault that
she's here with a future of shame!"
"Nothing of the sort! It'll be your fault if she has a future of shame,
but it's up to you. Her mother's shame can't hurt her if you bring her
up right. It's your job, and you can get a lot of comfort out of it if
you try!"
"I don't see how," dully.
"Listen, Tennelly. Does she look like her mother?"
Tennelly's sensitive face quivered with pain. "Yes," he said, huskily.
"I'll send for her and you can see." He rang a bell. "I brought her and
the nurse up to town with me this morning."
An elderly, kind-faced woman brought the baby in, laid it in a big chair
where they could see it, and then withdrew.
Courtland drew near, half shyly, and looked in startled wonder. The baby
was strikingly like Gila, with all her grace, delicate features, wide
innocent eyes. The sweep of the long lashes on the little white cheeks,
that were all too white for baby flesh, seemed old and weird in the tiny
face. Yet when the baby looked up and recognized its father it crowed
and smiled, and the smile was wide and frank and lovable, like
Tennelly's. There was nothing artificial about it. Courtland drew a long
sigh of relief. For the moment he had been looking at the baby as if it
were Gila grown small again; now he suddenly realized it was a new
little soul with a life and a spirit of its own.
"She will be a blessing to you, Nelly," he said, looking up hopefully.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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