I understood, then, the wound I had given, but instead of asking her
pardon, I said nothing.
To me nothing seemed too sumptuous and elaborate for her, while her one
desire was to pass unnoticed. She “set no store” by success: she wished
only to please me. But must she not please the whole world, to please
me? As to the clothes, she had her way more than I, and I had to be
content with a lace robe that suited marvellously her air of candour.
All the time the fittings and appraising looks of the tailors, the
insulting physical evaluations as of professional buyers, positively
affronted her. Again and again she turned toward me eyes that besought
mercy like the tender eyes of a hunted doe! But I held to my conquest
with an unpitying tenacity.
When she had tried on the skirt and waist, that brought out and moulded
her body under the vapory lightness of the material, leaving no outline
unseen, and displaying the bare expanse of her throat, she was ashamed
at the sight of herself in the mirror.
“Is it possible,” she protested, “that you can wish me to appear like
this?”
“Why not?” said I. “You are beautiful.”
“But every one will see me,” she objected.
It began to seem laughable to me, her idea of reserving her beauty for
me alone.
The evening upon which we made our first appearance in the drawing-room
of Madame de Saunois I felt a curious diminution in my proprietary
satisfaction. My too long absence had allowed people to recover from
their concern with me, and become indifferent. Paris avenges herself
upon those who scorn her. Pierre Ducal was there, informing every one
of my marriage. I thought I heard whispered as we passed: “The daughter
of his superintendent.” When one is conscious of ill-will one is prompt
to imagine hostile remarks, and it seemed to me that every one there
was spying jealously upon my wife. The sharp contrast of her youth and
bloom with the maturer charms of the other women made instant enemies
of them, enemies fully accoutred in the art of feminine war. There were
young girls there crowned with name and fortune any one of whom I might
have married. Not that I had any regret, but I committed the indelicacy
of remembering the advantages I had let slip. There was indeed one
woman there, not a stranger to me, whose presence should have been very
painful to me, since I especially watched for her opinion of my wife
and hoped it would be favourable. Such is the host of petty infamies a
man can harbour in his heart when he surrenders himself to vanity.
At my wedding in the Sleeping Woods it was the presence of Pierre Ducal
that had been the cause of my noticing the cut of my bride’s wedding
gown. To-night Raymonde was in faultless toilette, though timidity and
reserve and half fright, made her seem full of awkwardness. Her modest
embarrassment under the steady gaze of so many people became ridiculous
constraint, and instead of encouraging her I too became ill at ease and
caught some of her discomfort.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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