The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb — Volume 1: Miscellaneous ProseLamb, Charles
General
The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb — Volume 1: Miscellaneous Prose
Lamb, Charles
English literature
I fear more for Allan than myself. The loss of two such parents, with so
short an interval, bears very heavy on him. The boy _hangs_ about me
from morning till night. He is perpetually forcing a smile into his poor
pale cheeks--you know the sweetness of his smile, Maria.
To-day, after dinner, when he took his glass of wine in his hand, he
burst into tears, and would not, or could not then, tell me the
reason--afterwards he told me--"he had been used to drink Mamma's health
after dinner, and _that_ came in his head and made him cry." I feel the
claims the boy has upon me--I perceive that I am living to _some
end_--and the thought supports me.
Already I have attained to a state of complacent feelings--my mother's
lessons were not thrown away upon her Elinor.
In the visions of last night her spirit seemed to stand at my
bed-side--a light, as of noon day, shone upon the room--she opened my
curtains--she smiled upon me with the same placid smile as in her
life-time. I felt no fear. "Elinor," she said, "for my sake take care of
young Allan,"--and I awoke with calm feelings.
Maria! shall not the meeting of blessed spirits, think you, be something
like this?--I think, I could even now behold my mother without dread--I
would ask pardon of her for all my past omissions of duty, for all the
little asperities in my temper, which have so often grieved her gentle
spirit when living. Maria! I think she would not turn away from me.
Oftentimes a feeling, more vivid than memory, brings her before me--I
see her sit in her old elbow chair--her arms folded upon her lap--a tear
upon her cheek, that seems to upbraid her unkind daughter for some
inattention--I wipe it away and kiss her honored lips.
Maria! when I have been fancying all this, Allan will come in, with his
poor eyes red with weeping, and taking me by the hand, destroy the
vision in a moment.
I am prating to you, my sweet cousin, but it is the prattle of the
heart, which Maria loves. Besides, whom have I to talk to of these
things but you--you have been my counsellor in times past, my companion,
and sweet familiar friend. Bear with me a little--I mourn the
"cherishers of my infancy."
I sometimes count it a blessing, that my father did not prove the
_survivor_. You know something of his story. You know there was a foul
tale current--it was the busy malice of that bad man, S----, which
helped to spread it abroad--you will recollect the active good nature of
our friends W---- and T----; what pains they took to undeceive
people--with the better sort their kind labours prevailed; but there was
still a party who shut their ears. You know the issue of it. My father's
great spirit bore up against it for some time--my father never was a
_bad_ man--but that spirit was broken at the last--and the
greatly-injured man was forced to leave his old paternal dwelling in
Staffordshire--for the neighbours had begun to point at him.--Maria! I
have _seen_ them _point_ at him, and have been ready to drop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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