Once upon a high and solemn occasion all the great _fasts_ and _festivals_ in the year presented themselves before the throne of _Apollo, God of Days_.--Each brought an offering in his hand, as is the custom all over the _East_, that no man shall appear before the presence of the King empty-handed. _Shrove-Tuesday_ was there with his _pan-cakes_, and _Ash-Wednesday_ with his oblation of _fish_. _Good-Friday_ brought the mystical _bun_. _Christmas-Day_ came bending underneath an intolerable load of _turkeys_ and _mince-pies_, his snow-white temples shaded with _holly_ and the sacred _misletoe_, and _singing_ a _carol_ as he advanced. Next came the _Thirtieth_ of _January_, bearing a _calf's-head_ in a charger; but _Apollo_ no sooner understood the emblematical meaning of the offering, than the stomach of the _God_ turned sick, and with visible indignation and abhorrence he ordered the unfortunate _Day_ out of his presence--the contrite _Day_ returned in a little time, bearing in his hands a _Whig_ (a sort of cake well-tempered and delicious)--the _God_ with smiles accepted the atonement, and the happy _Day_ understood that his peace was made, he promising never to bring such a dish into the presence of a _God_ again. Then came the august _Fourth_ of _June_, crowned with such a crown as British Monarchs commonly wear, leading into the presence the venerable _Nineteenth_ of _May_--_Apollo_ welcomed the royal pair, and placed them nearest to himself, and welcomed their noble progeny, their eldest-born and heir, the accomplished _Twelfth_ of _August_, with all his brave brothers and handsome sisters. Only the merry _First_ of _April_ who is retained in the Court of _Apollo_ as _King's Jester_, made some mirth by his reverent inquiries after the health of the _Eighteenth_ of _January_, who, being a _kept_ mistress, had not been deemed a proper personage to be introduced into such an assembly. _Apollo_, laughing, rebuked the petulance of his wit; so all was mirth and good humour in the palace--only the sorrowful _Epiphany_ stood silent and abashed--he was _poor_, and had come before the King without an oblation. The _God_ of _Days_ perceived his confusion, and turning to the _Muses_ (who are _nine_), and to the _Graces_, his hand-maids (who are _three_ in number), he beckoned to them, and gave to them in charge to prepare a _Cake_ of the richest and preciousest ingredients: they obeyed, tempering with their fine and delicate fingers the spices of the _East_, the bread-flour of the _West_, with the fruits of the _South_, pouring over all the _Ices_ of the _North_. The God himself crowned the whole with _talismanic figures_, which contained this wondrous virtue--that whosoever ate of the _Cake_ should forthwith become _Kings_ and _Queens_. Lastly, by his heralds, he invested the trembling and thankful _Epiphany_ with the privilege of presenting this Cake before the King upon an annual festival for ever. Now this Cake is called _Twelfth