True wit has seen its best days long ago; It ne'er looked up, since we were dipt in show; When sense in doggrel rhimes and clouds was lost, And dulness flourished at the actor's cost. Nor stopt it here; when tragedy was done, Satire and humour the same fate have run, And comedy is sunk to trick and pun. Now our machining lumber will not sell, And you no longer care for heaven or hell; What stuff will please you next, the Lord can tell. Let them, who the rebellion first began To wit, restore the monarch, if they can; Our author dares not be the first bold man. He, like the prudent citizen, takes care, To keep for better marts his staple ware; His toys are good enough for Sturbridge fair. Tricks were the fashion; if it now be spent, 'Tis time enough at Easter, to invent; No man will make up a new suit for Lent. If now and then he takes a small pretence, To forage for a little wit and sense, Pray pardon him, he meant you no offence. Next summer, Nostradamus tells, they say, That all the critics shall be shipped away, And not enow be left to damn a play. To every sail beside, good heaven, be kind; But drive away that swarm with such a wind, That not one locust may be left behind! DRAMATIS PERSONAE ALDO, _an honest, good-natured, free-hearted old gentleman of the town._ WOODALL, _his son, under a false name; bred abroad, and now returned from travel._ LIMBERHAM, _a tame, foolish keeper, persuaded by what is last said to him, and changing next word._ BRAINSICK, _a husband, who, being well conceited of himself, despises his wife: vehement and eloquent, as he thinks; but indeed a talker of nonsense._ GERVASE, WOODALL'S _man: formal, and apt to give good counsel._ GILES, WOODALL'S _cast servant._ MRS SAINTLY, _an hypocritical fanatic, landlady of the boarding-house._ MRS TRICKSY, _a termagant kept mistress._ MRS PLEASANCE, _supposed daughter to_ MRS SAINTLY: _Spiteful and satirical; but secretly in love with_ WOODALL. MRS BRAINSICK. JUDITH, _a maid of the house._ SCENE--_A Boarding-house in Town._ LIMBERHAM; OR, THE KIND KEEPER. ACT I. SCENE I.--_An open Garden-House; a table in it, and chairs._ _Enter_ WOODALL _and_ GERVASE. _Wood._ Bid the footman receive the trunks and portmantua; and see them placed in the lodgings you have taken for me, while I walk a turn here in the garden. _Gerv._ It is already ordered, sir. But they are like to stay in the outer-room, till the mistress of the house return from morning exercise. _Wood._ What, she's gone to the parish church, it seems, to her devotions!