First to the _Castle_ of that man of woes Dispatch the letter which _I must_ enclose, And when his lone Penelope shall say _Why, where_, and _wherefore_ doth my William stay? Spare not to move her pity, or her pride-- By all that Hero suffered, or defied; The _chicken's toughness_, and the _lack_ of _ale_ The _stoney mountain_ and the _miry vale_ The _Garlick_ steams, which _half_ his meals enrich, The _impending vermin_, and the threatened _Itch_, That _ever breaking_ Bed, beyond repair! The hat too _old_, the coat too _cold_ to wear, The Hunger, _which repulsed from Sally's door_ Pursues her grumbling half from shore to shore, Be these the themes to greet his faithful Rib So may thy pen be smooth, thy tongue be glib! This duty done, let me in turn demand Some friendly office in my native land, Yet let me ponder well, before I ask, And set thee swearing at the tedious task. First the Miscellany![10]--to Southwell town _Per coach_ for Mrs. _Pigot_ frank it down, So may'st them prosper in the paths of Sale,[11] And Longman smirk and critics cease to rail. All hail to Matthews![12] wash his reverend feet, And in my name the man of Method greet,-- Tell him, my Guide, Philosopher, and Friend, Who cannot love me, and who will not mend, Tell him, that not in vain I shall assay To tread and trace our "old Horatian way,"[13] And be (with prose supply my dearth of rhymes) What better men have been in better times. Here let me cease, for why should I prolong My notes, and vex a _Singer_ with a _Song_? Oh thou with pen perpetual in thy fist! Dubbed for thy sins a stark Miscellanist, So pleased the printer's orders to perform For Messrs. _Longman_, _Hurst_ and _Rees_ and _Orme_. Go--Get thee hence to Paternoster Row, Thy patrons wave a duodecimo! (Best form for _letters_ from a distant land, It fits the pocket, nor fatigues the hand.) Then go, once more the joyous work commence[14] With stores of anecdote, and grains of sense, Oh may Mammas relent, and Sires forgive! And scribbling Sons grow dutiful and live! Constantinople, _June_ 7^th^, 1810. [First published, _Murray's Magazine_, 1887, vol. i. pp. 290, 291.] FOOTNOTES: [8] [For John Cam Hobhouse (1786-1869), afterwards Lord Broughton de Gyfford, see _Letters_, 1898, i. 163, _note_ i.] [9] [Fletcher was an indifferent traveller, and sighed for "a' the comforts of the saut-market." See Byron's letters to his mother, November 12, 1809, June 28, 1810.--_Letters_, 1898, i. 256, 281.]