wallet, Antisthenes's cloak, Diogenes's tub: they know nothing of the matter. When men see these things, they spit in the face of philosophy; they think that all philosophers are the same, and blame me their teacher. It is long since I have won over any to my side. I toil like Penelope at the loom, and one moment undoes all that I have done. Ignorance and Wickedness watch my unavailing labours, and smile. _Zeus._ Really, Philosophy has been shamefully treated. We must take some measures with these rascals. Let us think what is to be done. The single stroke of the thunderbolt is too quick a death. _Apol._ Father, I have a suggestion to make. By their neglect of the Muses, these vile quacks have incurred my own resentment as well as Philosophy's. They are not worthy to die by your hand. Instead, I would advise your sending Hermes to them, with full authority to punish them at his discretion. With his forensic experience, he will be at no loss to distinguish between the true philosopher and the false. The former will receive merited praise: on the latter he will inflict such chastisement as the circumstances demand. _Zeus._ A sensible proposal. Heracles, you can go too; take Philosophy with you, and lose no time. Think: this will make your thirteenth Labour, and a creditable one too, the extermination of these reptiles. _Hera._ Rather than meddle with them, I would give the Augean stables a second clean-out. However, let us be starting, Philosophy. _Phi._ If I must, I must. _Her._ Yes, come along, and we will polish off a few to-day.--Which way, Philosophy? You know where they are to be found. Somewhere in Greece, of course? _Phi._ Oh no; the few that there are in Greece are genuine philosophers. Attic poverty is not at all to the liking of the impostors; we must look for them in places where gold and silver mines abound. _Her._ Straight to Thrace, then? _Hera._ Yes, Thrace, and I will show you the way. I know every inch of Thrace; I have been there so often. Look here, this is our route. _Her._ Yes? _Hera._ You see those two magnificent mountains (the big one is Haemus, and the other Rhodope), and the fertile plain that spreads between them, running to the very foot of either? Those three grand, rugged crests that stand out so proudly yonder form as it were a triple citadel to the city that lies beneath; you can see it now, look. _Her._ Superb! A queen among cities; her splendours reach us even here. And what is the great river that flows so close beneath the walls? _Hera._ The Hebrus, and the city was built by Philip. Well, we have left the clouds behind us now; let us try our fortune on _terra firma_. _Her._ Very good; and what comes next? How do we hunt our vermin down? _Hera._ Ah, that is where you come in, Mr. Crier: oblige us by crying them without loss of time. _Her._ There is only one objection to that: I do not know what they are called. What names am I to say, Philosophy? and how shall I describe them?