I was forc’d to break off my last abruptly, by reason of the vast crowds of people, which press’d upon me then for advice, so that I could not present you with a full catalogue of my cures, which you will find at the conclusion of this, or acquaint you with what transactions of moment have lately happen’d in our gloomy regions. But having by miracle a vacant hour or two at present upon my hands, which, by the by, is a blessing I am seldom troubled with, I was resolv’d not to neglect so fair a opportunity of paying my respects to you, and therefore without any more preface or formality, will continue the thread of my narration. I had no sooner publish’d my bill and catalogue of cures, but my house has been crouded ever since with prodigious shoals of patients, that I can hardly afford myself an hour to pass with my friends: they flock from all corners of this gigantic city, so that sometimes not only my court-yard which is very large and spacious, but even my chamber, my anti-chamber, and if you’ll allow me, gentlemen, to coin a new word, my pro-anti-chamber, or my hall, is full of them: I will only tell you the names of a few customers of quality that resorted to me for advice yesterday morning: to give you an idea of my business, and how considerable ’tis like to prove. About a month after my setting up, who should rap at my door, but the famous _Semiramis_? I remembered her royal phiz perfectly well, ever since my friend _Nokes_ carried me to her coffee-house, and treated me there with a glass of _Geneva_; however, for certain reasons of state I did not think it proper to let her _Babylonian_ majesty know, that I was acquainted either with her name or quality; come good woman, said I to her, what is your business? _Oh!_ replies she, _you see the most unfortunate, unhappy creature in the world_. Why what calamity has befallen you? _Only_, says she, _too big for words to express_; with that she wrung her hands, stamp’d upon the floor, cursing the left-handed planet she was born under, and pouring down such a deluge of tears, that one would have thought it had been the second edition of the _Ephesian_ matron, lamenting the loss of one spouse in order to wheedle on a second. When her grief had pretty well exhausted itself at the sluices of her eyes, she thus continu’d her tragical _historietto_. _Were I minded, doctor, to trouble you with my genealogy, I could perhaps, make it easily appear, that few people are descended of better parents than myself, but let that pass; the scene is alter’d with me at present, and rather than take up with ill courses, or to be troublesom to my relations, I am content to keep a coffee-house. Now as I was sitting in my bar this morning, and footing a pair of stockings for_ Alexander _the_ great, _in came two rascally grenadiers, and ask’d for some juniper; but alas! while I was gone down into the cellar to fetch it, these lubberly rogues plunder’d me of a silver spoon and nutmeg-grater, and made their escape_.