6. At this time likewise God restrained me from many follies I was inclined to, by bodily infirmity. He provided me too with friends who were very tender of me. He fed me, _though I knew him not_. But so far was I from being thankful for these mercies, that my proud heart fretted at them. O what reason have I to say, _The |Lord| is good even to the evil and unthankful._ CHAPTER V. _Of the straits he was in, and the course he took for relief, from May 1693, to August 1696._ 1. THE air of _Edinburgh_ agreeing neither with my mother nor me, in _May 1693_ she removed to St. _Andrews_. And here I came under the care of Mr. _Taylor_, a wise man, and one very careful of me. Thus chased as I was from place to place, God every where provided me with friends. And now by the searching ministry of Mr. _Forrester_, he began to give me some small discovery of the more spiritual evils of my soul. He opened to me first the pride of my heart, and the wickedness and injustice of valuing myself upon those deliverances from my own weakness, which had been wholly wrought by his own strength. I likewise saw the impiety of _drawing near to him with my mouth, while my heart was far from him_: and indeed of trusting to any outward performance, without the life of all, _faith working by love_. 2. This, added to what I was conscious of before, frequently ♦threw me into racking perplexity; when finding no peace in my former evasions I resolved to enter into a solemn covenant with God; and having wrote and subscribed this, I believed all was right. I found a sort of present peace; amendment I thought sufficient atonement, and such an engagement I looked on as a performance. I now likewise often found an unusual sweetness in hearing the word, and sometimes the most piercing convictions. And these were indeed _a taste of the good word of_ God, _and of the powers of the world to come_. ♦ “through” replaced with “threw” per Errata 3. But the merciful God would not let me rest here: the peace I found by making this covenant, was soon lost by breaking it: at the same time my heart smote me for my old sins, by which I found former accounts to be still standing against me, which filled me with confusion and jealousies of these ways. I perceived too, something of the treachery of my engagements, and that my heart had not been found therein, but had secret reserves for some sins, which were then given ♦up inward only. God also let loose some of my corruptions upon me; which as soon as his restraint was taken off, were more violent than ever, and bore down before them all that I had set in their way. By these means he discovered to me the fruitlesness of my covenant, and threw me afresh into the utmost confusion: while the evil I thought so effectually provided against, again came upon me. ♦ “me in one word” replaced with “up inward” per Errata