6. But now God began to undeceive me; he gave me a thorn in the flesh to humble me, and a messenger of Satan was sent to buffet me, who soon made me feel the fury of his temptations. Hereupon I fell into deep perplexity; I began to question the truth of former manifestations, to doubt of my own perseverance; yea, sometimes to quarrel secretly with God, as if he had beguiled me. I tried many ways, to escape; I thought upon God; I complained to him; I sought for the causes of my affliction; _I essay’d to shake myself, and to go forth_ to duty _as before_; but alas! the Lord was departed from me; and the enemy, _which lay in my bosom_, had _discovered my secret, and shorn me of my strength_. 7. Yet I could not but see, when I recovered myself a little, after the violence of my conflict, that things were better with me now at my worst case, than formerly at my best. God frequently shewed me something of his power and glory; he open’d a scripture, and made my heart burn within me, or unfolded my case, and told me all that was in my heart; or let me see my desire upon my enemies. Sometimes he gave me access unto him, and made me come even to his seat, and pour out my heart before him. And when at the lowest, I was otherwise affected to Christ than before; my soul still longed after him; I essay’d to stretch out the withered hand, and wished for the command that would impower me to lay hold of him. I refused to go any where else, but resolved to wait on him, and to trust in him, even though he should slay me. And as to his law, though I could not run in it, my will was still toward it; I had no quarrel to it, but to myself; I breathed after conformity with it; I delighted therein after the inward man. And as to sin, though I was sometimes driven to it, this was just such a forced consent as before I gave to the law. Though it prevailed, my heart was not with it as before; I found another sort of opposition to it; and if ever it gained a victory, I was the more enraged against it. Lastly, This coldness was now a preternatural state: I cried daily, _When wilt thou receive me_? I loathed myself for it; I could not rest in it; I wearied myself with essaying to break my prison: I looked back to former seasons, and said, _O that it were with me as in months past_! CHAPTER II. _Of his fresh strugglings with sin; its victories; and the cause of them, and God’s goodness with respect to this trial._