“O what an aversion I had this morning to study, and following _the Lamb_! If it were not for promises which the gospel affords, I should be often brought into bondage: very often is my soul cast down and my spirit disquieted within me; so that I must needs utterly faint, if it was not that I firmly hope I shall yet praise God for the health of his countenance. I felt neither comfort nor power in preaching. O what a poor creature am I when left to myself! How dark of conception; how slow of heart and speech! It sometimes happens, that while I am thus writing down my condition, the Lord appears to my help: so it is _now_; for God has been pleased to manifest himself unto me! And O what a welcome guest! At his coming my reins and my heart rejoice; my troubles are done away; my soul is greatly refreshed; my faith strengthened; my hope confirmed, and my love encreased. Glory be to God most high!” “God and his ways were sweet to my soul this morning. Great was the peace of my mind, and the joy which arose from considering what the Lord had done for my soul. O how did I long to be altogether like him, _in righteousness and true holiness_! Throughout the day, I enjoyed sweet repose in the blood of _the Lamb_. In the evening I preached on _1 Corinthians i. 30._ And God did indeed pour of his gracious spirit into my soul. Truly we had a heaven upon earth! O that I had the tongue of an angel to glorify thee for all thy benefits!” “_Thursday May 23._ I was in great trouble, going to preaching this morning. My temptations were sore, and my trials exceeding great; occasioned partly, by the condition of some, who for a time _ran well_, but are turned again to the flesh-pots of _Egypt_. While I preached however, on _Psalms xxiii. 1._ my _Shepherd_ gave me to feed upon his _hidden manna_.” *“I found it hard work to be wholly set apart for God this day. I preached comfort to others, but could lay hold on little of it myself.” “I am often like a day in spring; the sun shining bright for a little while, and soon withdrawing again. _The sun of righteousness_ often shines upon me, with his bright beams; but alas! the light is soon clouded, and the joy vanishes away. Yet still, blessed be God, my heart stands fast believing in the Lord. For I take it for granted, that the want of strong light and joy, no more argues want of faith, than the absence of unclouded day, argues no sun in the firmament.” “An unusual fondness for company, brought deadness upon my soul. The vanities of the world importunately intruded upon me. If God were not on my side, I should have been long ago _as Sodom_, and _like unto Gomorrah_. Such vanities crouded in upon me at prayer, that even I forgot what I was saying. I am a man sorely distressed with the wandering of my heart. I arose from prayer and read, and prayed again. The Lord at length met me, and instantly released me from my sorrow, and gave me power to wait upon him without distraction.”