Lord’s-day, May 18. I felt my own utter insufficiency for my work: God made me to see, that I was a child; yea, that I was a fool. I discoursed both parts of the day, from Revelation iii. 20. “Behold I stand at the door, and knock.” God gave me freedom and power in the latter part of my (forenoon’s) discourse, although in the former part of it, I felt peevish and provoked with the unmannerly behaviour of the _white_ people, who crouded in between my people and me. But blessed be God I got those shackles off before the middle of my discourse, and was favoured with a sweet frame of spirit in the latter part of the exercise: was full of love, warmth, and tenderness, in addressing my dear people.――In the intermission-season I could not but discourse to my people on the kindness and patience of Christ in _standing_ and _knocking at the door_.――In the evening, I was grieved that I had done so little for God. Oh that I could be _a flame of fire_ in the service of my God! ♦*Thursday, May 22. In the evening I was in a frame somewhat remarkable: I had apprehended for several days, that it was a design of providence I should _settle_ among my people; and had in my own mind began to make provision for it: and yet was never quite pleased with the thoughts of being confined to one place. Nevertheless I seemed to have some freedom, because the congregation was one that God had enabled me to gather from among Pagans. For I never could feel any freedom to “enter into other men’s labour,” and settle where the “gospel was preached before;” God has never given me any liberty in that respect, either since or for some years before I began to preach. But God having succeeded my labours, in gathering a church among these Indians, I was ready to think, it might be his design to give me a quiet settlement. And this, considering the late frequent failure of my spirits, and the need I stood in of some agreeable society, and my great desire of enjoying conveniencies for profitable studies, was not altogether disagreeable to me. And although I still wanted to go about far and wide, in order to spread the blessed gospel among benighted souls: yet I never had been so willing to settle for more than five years past, as I was in the foregoing part of this week. But now these thoughts seemed to be wholly dashed to pieces; not by necessity, but of choice: for it appeared to me, that God’s dealings towards me had fitted me for a life of solitariness and hardship; it appeared to me I had nothing to do with earth, and consequently nothing to lose, by a total renunciation of it: and it appeared just right, that I should be destitute of house and home, and many comforts, which I rejoiced to see others of God’s people enjoy. The same time I saw so much the excellency of Christ’s kingdom, and the infinite desirableness of its advancement in the world, that it swallowed up all my other thoughts; and made me willing to be