Thursday, April 1, 1742. I seem to be declining with respect to my life and warmth in divine things; O that God would humble me deeply in the dust! I deserve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, “who has loved me, and given himself for me;” and every time I am enabled to exercise any grace, I am indebted to the God of all grace for it. “Where then is boasting?” Surely “it is excluded,” since we depend on God for the being and every act of grace. *Friday, April 2. I felt myself much resigned, calm, and serene. What are all the storms of this lower world, if _Jesus_ does but come _♦walking on the seas_!――Some time past, I had much pleasure in the prospect of the Heathen’s being brought home to Christ, and desired that the Lord would employ _me_ in that work;――but now my soul more frequently desires to die, _to be with Christ_. O that my soul were wrapt up in love, and my longing after God increased! ♦ “walk-on” replaced with “walking on” Saturday, April 3. I thought, if God would take me to himself, my soul would exceedingly rejoice. O that I may be always humble and resigned to God, and that God would fix my soul on himself, that I may be more fitted both for doing and suffering! *Lord’s-day, April 4. O my blessed God! Let me climb up near to him, and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and reach, and stretch after him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death.――Alas! my soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its Beloved again. “O come, Lord Jesus, Amen.” *Tuesday, April 6. I cried to God to wash my soul, and cleanse me from my exceeding filthiness.――And I could think of undergoing the greatest sufferings, with pleasure; and found myself willing (if God should so order it) to suffer banishment from my native land, among the Heathen, that I might do something for their salvation, in distresses and deaths of any kind.――Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for the kingdom of Christ in the world, and for my dear Christian friends.――I felt myself weaned from the world, and from my own reputation, willing to be despised, and to be a gazing-stock for the world.――It is impossible for me to express what I then felt: I had not much joy, but a sense of the majesty of God, which made me tremble; I saw myself mean and vile, which made me more willing that God should do what he would with me; it was all infinitely reasonable. Thursday, April 8. I had hopes respecting the Heathen. O that God would bring in numbers of them to Christ! I cannot but hope I shall see that glorious day.――Every thing in this world seems exceeding vile and little to me: I look so myself.