[Through this, and the two following weeks, he passed through a variety of exercises: he was frequently dejected, and sometimes sunk into the depths of melancholy: Not with regard to the favour of God, but about his own sinful infirmities, and unfitness for God’s service. Though his mind was extremely depressed with a sense of inexpressible vileness, yet, in the mean time, he had many seasons of comfort and spiritual refreshment.] *Lord’s-day, October 17. I had a sense of my helplessness; especially when I went to the place of public worship. I found I could not speak a word for God without his special assistance: I went into the assembly trembling, under a sense of my insufficiency to do any thing as I ought to do.――But it pleased God to afford me much assistance, and there seemed to be a considerable effect on the hearers.――O that I might be “faithful to the death, fulfilling as an hireling my day,” till the shades of the evening of life shall free my soul from the toils of the day! This evening I felt such longing desires after deliverance from sin, and conformity to God, as melted my heart. Oh, I longed to be “delivered from this body of death!” to be conformed to God entirely, fully, and for ever.――I scarce ever preach without being first visited with inward conflicts and sore trials. Blessed be the Lord for these trials and distresses, as they are blessed for my humbling. Monday, October 18. I felt some sweetness, but was still pressed through trials of soul. My life is a constant mixture of consolations and conflicts, and will be so till I arrive at the world of spirits. Tuesday, October 19. This morning and last night, felt a sweet longing in my soul after holiness: my soul seemed so to reach and stretch towards the mark of perfect sanctity, that it was ready to break with longings. *Thursday, October 21. I had a very deep sense of the vanity of the world, and had little more regard to it, than if I had been to go into eternity the next hour. Through divine goodness, I felt very serious and solemn. O, I love to live on the brink of eternity! This gives me a sweet, awful, and reverential sense of God and divine things, when I see myself as it were _standing before the judgment seat of Christ_. *Friday, October 22. I was uncommonly weaned from the world: my soul delighted to be a _stranger and a pilgrim on the earth_; I felt a disposition never to have any thing to do with this world: the character given of some of the antient people of God, in Hebrews xi. 13. was very pleasing to me, “they confessed that they were pilgrims and strangers on the earth,” and O that I could always do so!――It is sweet to be thus weaned from friends, and from myself, and dead to the world, that I may live wholly _to_ and _upon_ the blessed God.