Monday 20. I yielded so much to levity, that it was with difficulty I forced myself to duty, and when I did, I was quite cold and dead, and my thoughts were wandering on some foolish thing or other. O God deliver me from a trifling spirit. Tuesday 21. I found myself thoughtful and serious in the morning, but in the afternoon I was overcome by levity. O how soon am I drawn off what is good? But how difficult do I find it to prevail with myself to forsake the evil? For often when the Lord shews me the error of my ways, though for the present I feel sorrow and regret, yet the next temptation that offers finds me ready to comply with it; and this doubtless I should always do, did not God in that moment step in and hinder me by his restraining grace; such a propensity have I to do that which grieves my God and wounds my own conscience. Saturday 25. In the evening I retired, and entering into a strict self-examination, I found I must own with the royal Psalmist, _my inward parts are very wickedness_. I saw clearly that I had broken every commandment, therefore were I to be tried by the law of works I must eternally perish. I must come with the _Publican_, crying, God _be merciful to me a sinner_. How truly might I say, “No good word, or work, or thought, Have I to buy thy grace, Mercy I accept unbought, Thy profer I embrace.” *Sunday 26. In the afternoon we went to Mrs. _C――――s_ to see the corpse of her daughter. I was not at all shocked at the sight, but it brought many serious reflections to my mind. How is she who not many months ago was in all the bloom and vigour of youth, cut down like a flower! So, just so, thought I, must I shortly be: I must die, be stretched in a coffin, and laid in the silent grave, and shortly it will be forgot even by my nearest and dearest friends, that there was ever such a person. O may this awful thought never be absent from my mind! How will it lessen my esteem for all these perishing enjoyments! How will it make me spend every precious moment, in preparation for a never-ending eternity! May the Lord grant that when death comes, he may not appear as a king of terrors, but like a welcome messenger sent to carry me to my Father’s house. Sunday June 2. In the evening my uncle preached his farwell sermon on _Acts xx. 27_. _I have not shunned to declare unto you the whole counsel of God._ He repeated briefly the doctrine which he had taught them, and exhorted them to take heed, least the word should rise up in judgement against them in the last day. O may it not against me! For alas as yet I have been a barren fig-tree. Well may I say, “Long have I sat beneath the sound Of thy salvation Lord, But still how weak my faith is found, And knowledge of thy word.” Lord let it be no longer so with me, but may I now bear fruit to thy glory.