The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
Well, Friday came, and Saturday, and Sunday, and Sunday’s night; he was
posting to eternity with four bolters. I will bet the whole national
debt he would have given eighteen-pence a mile, and half-a-crown to the
boy, to have been posting on any other road. All the favour the law
allowed him was to have an Ordinary at eight instead of an ordinary at
one, a very ordinary favour to a man who was about to leave off dining.
But the devil ought to have his due, and so should the Lord Mayor and
the Sheriffs. As they had neglected Tony a little, by not being with
the other gossips at his christening, to usher him into this world,
they attended very ceremoniously to show him out of it, each in his
gilt coach; and, with regard to the coachmen, the footmen, and even
the very horses themselves, they were all Malthusians. Of course the
Recorder brought the hanging-warrant, and if you would know what the
hanging-warrant was like, it was like a map of _Cheshire_ with the
_Mersey_ left out.
I forgot to tell you, that before it came to this pass, the Ordinary
came oftentimes to the cell where Tony was, to pray, besides whom there
was an Extraordinary, who examined him on his points of faith. And the
points of faith were these; namely, whether he believed the moon to be
of green cheese, and as to the size of the mites thereon. Secondly, if
he believed the puppet-play of Punch and Judy to be a type of the fall
of Nineveh; and, thirdly, concerning the lions in Pilgrim’s Progress,
whether they were bred at Mr. Wombwell’s or Mr. Cross’s, or at the
Tower of London. To all of which Tony giving decidedly serious answers,
he was pronounced fit to die, and quite prepared to have his neck
stretched, as long as the throttle of a claret-bottle when the wine is
ropy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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