The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
Accordingly, on the morning of Monday, Time laid his long hand upon
Tony’s collar, and gave him eight distinct hints that his hour was
come for being ornithologised by sentence of the great Law Bird, genus
Black-cap, into jail bird, genus Wryneck. Never was there such mobbing
to see a hanging. Half the Londoners that morning went without their
breakfasts to be in time for the Old Bailey. Trot, trot, trot, canter
and full gallop; away through Piccadilly; push on there, in the Strand,
hey down Holborn Hill, with a yoicks in Cheapside, and a hark forward
in Newgate Street, and a tally ho! in West Smithfield. They all meant
to be in at the death. Never was there such a race, to see a man whose
race was run losing it by a neck. And the order of the running was
thus:--The Royal Humane Society got in first at the Drop, and had an
excellent front row. The Society for Preventing Cruelty to Animals
was a good second; and may I die, if the Law Life Assurance hadn’t
the assurance to come third. Next came the Philanthropic Society,
with the Society of Good Samaritans barely a length behind; and then
the Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, neck and neck with the
London Benevolent Society; all racing till they panted again, to see
Tony put out of breath. You never saw such a chevy! Luckily there was
no Anniversary at St. Paul’s, so the Sons of the Clergy cantered in
with all the children of all the parishes that had any charity, to see
an execution put in for the debt of Nature. Also the Medical Society
came to see one die by the New Dropsy; and all the Knights of the
Garter, with their orders, _it being a collar-day_, wherefore they wore
their garters according to the fashion of Miss Bailey; and all the
Foreign Ambassadors. Seeing which, Tony put on a good face, and walked
stoutly up the ladder, saying softly to himself, “the eyes of Europe
are upon you.” All being ready, with the Ordinary on the right hand,
and the Extraordinary on the left, and the Great Constrictor a little
behind, Tony (who had his whim with him) was asked how he felt himself,
and how his father and mother did, and all his little brothers and
sisters; to which he answered thankfully, that they were all very well,
and that for his own part, he felt very comfortable, and died in the
faith of St. Vitus. Now the faith of St. Vitus is not exactly the faith
of the Church of England, nor, in faith, do I well know what faith
it is; but the Ordinary took no objection to it, for he was a man in
favour of universal toleration, remembering the saying of the heathen
Priest of Apollo to the Bishop of Magnum Bonum, “You have _your_
thology, and let me have _my_thology.” So the Ordinary held his peace,
but the Extraordinary would fain have argued the point regularly and
methodically, according to the dogmatical manner of Cerberus, namely,
in a discourse with three heads; and if he had once begun to spin the
triple yarn of controversy, prosyversy, and viceversy into a cable,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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