The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
“What, must you go? next time I hope
You’ll give me longer measure;
Nay--I shall see you down the stairs--
(With most uncommon pleasure!)
“Good-bye! good-bye! remember all,
Next time you’ll take your dinners!
(Now, David, mind, I’m not at home
In future to the Skinners!”)
[Illustration: A MODERATE INCOME.]
BLACK, WHITE, AND BROWN.
All at once Miss Morbid left off sugar.
She did not resign it as some persons lay down their carriage, the
full-bodied family-coach dwindling into a chariot, next into a fly, and
then into a sedan-chair. She did not shade it off artistically, like
certain household economists, from white to white-brown, brown, dark
brown, and so on, to none at all.--She left it off, as one might leave
off walking on the top of a house, or on a slide, or on a plank with
a further end to it, that is to say, slapdash, all at once, without a
moment’s warning. She gave it up, to speak appropriately, in the lump.
She dropped it--as Corporal Trim let fall his hat,--dab. It vanished,
as the French say, _toot sweet_. From the 30th of November, 1830, not
an ounce of sugar, to use Miss Morbid’s own expression, ever “darkened
her doors.”
The truth was she had been present the day before at an Anti-Slavery
Meeting; and had listened to a lecturing Abolitionist, who had drawn
her sweet tooth, root and branch, out of her head. Thenceforth sugar,
or as she called it “shugger,” was no longer white, or brown, in her
eyes, but red, blood-red--an abomination, to indulge in which would
convert a professing Christian into a practical Cannibal. Accordingly
she made a vow, under the influence of moist eyes and refined feelings,
that the sanguinary article should never more enter her lips or her
house; and this petty parody of the famous Berlin Decree against our
Colonial produce was rigidly enforced. However others might countenance
the practice of the Slave Owners by consuming “shugger,” she was
resolved, for her own part, that “no suffering sable son of Africa
should ever rise up against her out of a cup of Tea!”
In the mean time, the cook and housemaid grumbled in concert at the
prohibition: they naturally thought it very hard to be deprived of a
luxury which they enjoyed at their own proper cost; and at last only
consented to remain in the service, on condition that the privation
should be handsomely considered in their wages.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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