My profits have gone to the dogs, My trade has been such a deceiver, I fear that my aim Is a mere losing game, Unless I can find a Retriever. THE KANGAROOS. A FABLE. A PAIR of married kangaroos (The case is oft a human one too) Were greatly puzzled once to choose A trade to put their eldest son to: A little brisk and busy chap, As all the little K.’s just then are-- About some two months off the lap,-- They’re not so long in arms as men are. A twist in each parental muzzle Betray’d the hardship of the puzzle-- So much the flavour of life’s cup Is framed by early wrong or right, And Kangaroos we know are quite Dependent on their “rearing up.” The question, with its ins and outs, Was intricate and full of doubts; And yet they had no squeamish carings For trades unfit or fit for gentry, Such notion never had an entry, For they had no armorial bearings. Howbeit they’re not the last on earth That might indulge in pride of birth; Whoe’er has seen their infant young Bob in and out their mother’s pokes, Would own, with very ready tongue, They are not born like common folks. Well, thus the serious subject stood, It kept the old pair watchful nightly, Debating for young hopeful’s good, That he might earn his livelihood, And go through life (like them) uprightly. Arms would not do at all; no, marry, In that line all his race miscarry; And agriculture was not proper, Unless they meant the lad to tarry For ever as a mere clod-hopper. He was not well cut out for preaching, At least in any striking style; And as for being mercantile-- He was not form’d for over-reaching. The law--why there still fate ill-starr’d him, And plainly from the bar debarr’d him: A doctor--who would ever fee him? In music he could scarce engage, And as for going on the stage In tragic socks I think I see him! He would not make a rigging-mounter; A haberdasher had some merit, But there the counter still ran counter, For just suppose A lady chose To ask him for a yard of ferret! A gardener digging up his beds, The puzzled parents shook their heads. “A tailor would not do because--” They paused and glanced upon his paws. Some parish post, though fate should place it Before him, how could he embrace it?